Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Intrinsic Reunion

Feelings; we can't contain them.  Dammit, they fill us.  Submerge our lungs in gigantica and fly around us like stupid midges; bothering our more productive lives.

Effervescent tingles; orbs of hope tickling every memory; without touching; it's absolute heaven.

He lifts me to bubbly heights; his brief hands on my chest, his excited eyes about his latest find, and joyful loveliness...  So beautiful.

The problem with champagne is the hangover it brings; i.e. the heartache that his interactions mean.  Being with him feels like basking in the sun, only to be abruptly moved into the shadows.  His gorgeous crystalline light is what it is; fleeting like a moody climate.  So fucking dramatic but I swear, if you met him, you'd agree.  He has that effect on everyone, no lie.

Bright eyes, beautiful smile, wicked intelligence. 

Much to his chagrin and or ego, the world loves him and often worships him.  And why would they not?  He gives everything while shining love and gentleness like the sun with that radiant smile.  But they don't know him, not like I do. His untoward secrets and everything he hides behind that lovely mask.  It's the tiddly-widdly parts of him that I love most. The parts he's shared with no one; the parts I'm privy to.

Dammit.  I'm afraid I can never cherish anyone else the same way.

You came out of nowhere
Stealing my heart and brain
Flaming my every cell
You make me feel myself

Across the time and space
A never-ending dance
A blooming and a trance

You make me feel my soul
There's no more loneliness
Only sparkles and sweat
There's no more single fate
You make me feel myself

Monday, December 28, 2015

Uncertain Grind

Oh.. things are getting really weird here in this nest.  *whimpers*

I've been enjoying an awesome cover of Hall & Oates Maneater on my satellite radio by Jana Hunter of Lower Dens that is so fucking awesome, I can't stand it.

The back up vocals mixed with Houston's Jana's breathy voice send shivers down into my nether regions. *bites everything and everyone*

Thursday, December 17, 2015

And Here We Are

Another holiday season.   It's not something I enjoy, and in fact, find it pretty gruesome.  Fairly certain there are numerous cantankerous and whiny blog posts about this on thee ole Crank The Shiny Tune but after a little cry session with my friend tonight, I figured out a way to deal.

I'm ok.. As long as we don't talk about the actual fucking day or anything to do with it.  Not a word.  Nothing about Norman Rockwell, decorations, traditions, white elephants, baking or whatever.  I'm serious, not a fucking word.  Ugh, so dramatic.

At any rate...bind yourself; and noooo festive talk.  There's only one thing to do when you realize you're walking through a desert.  Time to ration water, folks.

The Mary Onettes // Explosions // The Mary Onettes //

Images: Kock Magazine 
I will miss trees, ornaments, caroling and dirty hot chocolate though..   Just saying.

Friday, December 11, 2015

We're More Than Horses

The Unicorns // I Was Born A Unicorn // Unicorns Are People Too //  2003

 I love you and hate equally... Uggggh... this feeling is amazing.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015


This band is amazing.... eat it up because your life will be better because of them.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Life's a Gas

My boss let me go early yesterday but not without some choice bits of "advice".  Whatever... longer vacation for me.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Dealing With Fools

I turned in my notice today at my job.  It took several months, hours and just as many edits to send an elongated and thoughtful message to the powers that be today.  Of course they overlooked the heart-felt sentiment I submitted and accused me of planning my departure for ages,  wanting to know how long I've been contemplating my subterfuge.

Why am I still surprised and why do I even care?? Guess what?  The future starts now.

Alan Parsons Project // Eye In The Sky // Eye In The Sky // 1982

I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools 

I can cheat you blind
And I don't need to see any more
To know that I can read your mind, I can read your mind

Don't leave false illusions behind
Don't cry 'cause I ain't changing my mind
So find another fool like before
'Cause I ain't gonna live anymore believing
Some of the lies while all of the signs are deceiving

I thought I would feel happy about today but I hate making anyone upset... so I'm stuck feeling both elated and gross.  Cursed.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Coming Up For Air

Too much deep sea diving can really fuck with the mind... the bends and all that.  Time for a little frothy airy heaven.

This album is my new favorite.  Intelligent, unassuming, peaceful, dreamy gaze... lovely sounds wash over everything.  The perfect companion for a pretty stellar day.

Resplandor // Pleamar // 2008

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

The Relay

It's been on my mind lately, the relay.  One heartbreak becomes another which gives birth to yet another.  Do you know what I mean?  That which we once experienced becomes that which someone else in our future experiences.  Terrible laughable irony... I'm sure the French or the Russians have a phrase for this.  At any rate, in my own bumbling language... that which was becomes that which is and likely will become that which will be tomorrow   Unbearable unfinished business.

Laughing wryly.... the state we live in; this existence we call home.

Just give me a second darling, to clear my head
Just put down those scissors baby
On this single bed
The sand in the hour glass is running low
I came through thunder, the cold, wind, the rain and the snow
To find you awake by your window sill
A sight for sore eyes, and a view to kill

I broke down in horror at you standing there
The glow from the moon shone through cracks in your hair
I shouted with passion "I love you so much"
But feeling my skin, it was cold to the touch
You whispered "where are you?"
I questioned your doubt
But soon realized you were talking to God now

You've got blood on your hands
And I know it's mine
I just need more time
So get off your low, let's dance like we used to!
But there's a light in the distance, waiting for me
I will wait for you
So get off your low, let's kiss like we used to

I looked in the mirror, but something was wrong
I saw you behind, but my reflection was gone
There was smoke in the fireplace as white as the snow
A voice beckoned gently "now it's time to go"
A requiem played, as you begged for forgiveness
"Don't touch me!" I screamed
I've got unfinished business

White Lies // Unfinished Business // To Lose My Life // 2009

This whole album brings layers of feels.    


Sunday, November 29, 2015

Closing The Circle

Diving deep into the depths.  Swimming in the currents amongst the ocean's voluptuous secrets;  the varying waves whisper against our skins.  Sometimes warm, sometimes arctic; an exploration like no other.  One forgotten.  No, not forgotten; one placed in the memories of the oceanographer.  Old and frail, he spends his time categorizing the depths he once felt in a sunshine youth.

Remembering the careful and quiet coral curves, the delicately violent flip of a shark's fin, the watery effervescence of solitude, of togetherness.  While marking the geographic undulations of hills, valleys, currents and oceanic life; there is a closing of the circle.  A love that no one can understand; that no one can map.  Not even the divers.

Catherine Wheel //  Fripp // Chrome // 1993

Thursday, November 26, 2015

A Drop On My Tongue

Salty, savory, sweet, coma-inducing.  It's the day of thanks here in my neck of the woods and most people will douse their taste buds with these flavors.  In lieu of caloric intake, a gluttony of aural treats will see me through.  Hope you all enjoy.

The geniuses of Drape are at it again.  Latest release is a delightful gem of 60's pop meets Kraftwerk-esque melodies with guitars.  Can you hear it? Yum.

Drape // Round & Round // Relax/Relapse // October 2015

This track has everything I love.  Dream pop and psychedelic drums all peppered with gazey guitars. I'll be gorging on their debut album later today.

Talk In Tongues // Still Don't Seem to Care // Alone With a Friend // April 2015

DIIV // How Long Have You Known? // Oshin // 2012

DIIV floated into town a few weeks ago (with No Joy and Sunflower Bean) and with any instrumentally heavy sounds, I lost myself in the music and lusty greed took over.  The set seemed very short so like a true jerk, I alone clamored for more.  Encore, encore.  Always amazed at the blah-dom of show goers in this city.  Zero passion or excitement; everyone is so dopey.. "Oh?  It's over now?  Oh... like ok... let's like go do stuff" and then they just anticlimactically shuffle out of the building.  A collective wet noodle.  Sooo booooring.

Their loss - I was in a lovely haze.  Openers Sunflower Bean were a pleasant surprise.  No frills.  Guitar, bass and drum with a very compact organized sound.  It'll be interesting to see how their latest release is received in February.  Also, they played some tracks that bordered on divine cerebral gaze, which I hope will be on the new album.  The track below is a teaser from the new album and not a personal favorite.  It's a bit too accessible in comparison to the other tracks that grabbed me that night.

Sunflower Bean // Wall Watcher //  Human Ceremony // February 2016

This ep really does it for me, in particular Somebody Call a Doctor, 2013Ok Mr. Man and Bread.

Sunflower Bean // Show Me Your Seven Secrets EP // January 2015

*Can anyone catch their influences?  Some might scoff at direct flattery but I'm pretty excited about all the neo gaze happening at the moment; all the bright shiny whippersnappers discovering sounds and creating something from them.  There are only so many times you can listen to Loveless, Souvlaki and others of the ilk.  Think about the Russian czars...inbreeding begets hemophiliacs.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Trains, Trains, Trains

It's an elusive and attractive thing, the train metaphor.  I bend to you and to you and to you.  My inner self acquiesces.

Suede // Modern Boys // Sci-Fi Lullabies// 1997
Come unto me my sickly thing
We could lie on the rails
But to really win
We'll just drive away, drive away 

Soul Asylum // Runaway Train // Grave Dancers Union // 1992

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mysteries seem so faded

This person would turn anyone homicidal.   Did I mention I've nicknamed my boss Satan's Barbie? 


Friday, November 20, 2015

Always, Always

All bad work days aside, this month marks two years since my lovely grandmother passed and seventeen years since my mother left.  There are plenty of posts written here about grief, love and loss on this blog, feel free to rifle through them... Crank The Shiny Tune is no stranger to drama and emotion and she's said more than enough.

Tonight let's raise our glasses to the glory of Always.  Whatever that means to you.  

Everyone wants to be cool; it's a pointless exercise if you ask me.  So many of the music snobs are content to box themselves into very specific genres.  Let loose kids... you can't take cool with you when you die.

The Stranglers // Always The Sun // Dreamtime // 1986

Alvvays  // Party Police // Alvvays // 2014
Don't have to leave
You can just stay here with me 

Erasure // Always // I Say, I Say, I Say // 1994

This wasn't chosen for comedy or irony; adore the lyrics and the video is pretty hilarious but also sad when you think about it.  This is one of my favorite bands and I fiercely stand by my choice. 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Alive & Kicking

I'm still alive, clawing for the sky and emoting in typical dramatic Crank The Shiny Tune fashion. 

Simple Minds //  Alive & Kicking // Sons of Fascination/Sister Feelings Call // 1981

What you gonna do when things go wrong?
What you gonna do when it all cracks up?
What you gonna do when the Love burns down?
What you gonna do when the flames go up?
Who is gonna come and turn the tide?
What's it gonna take to make a dream survive?
Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside?
Who's gonna save you?

Incidentally, another misheard lyrics with this one.  Instead of alive and kicking, I always thought it was I love to kick it.  You know, because the lyrics aren't in the song title or anything.  So, happy Wednesday - hope you're all kicking it real nice.

(Best said in a really thick southern drawl.  Just search it online, there are lots of cringe-worthy examples to choose from).

Image: Unknown, open sourced

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Shit Hail Storm

Yesterday was shit.  Today was even bigger shit.  I liken it to a rainstorm of shit, an actual bacterial infested brown schmutz on my face, across all the hard work that I do.  Everywhere is covered in this decomposing, slimy shit.  I'm in a hail storm of this shit.  This is my life right now and I'm a piss poor example of positivity.

Annie Lennox //  Saddest Song // Bare // 2003

When I feel, I feel deep.  Super deep.  Feel free to ignore this post; I wish I could.  Also, I think it's funny to say shit as many times as possible.  Leave me alone, it's my one happy place right now.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015


Worst day.  I will crawl into my bed, muzzle the monster voices and try to let the salty wetness on my cheeks lull me into a state of denial.  Today did not happen.

If I said, I've lost my way
Would you sympathize? 
I'm jumbled up
Things are wrong, things are going wrong
Don't know what I want anymore... 
Is this the blues I'm singing?

Echo and the Bunnymen // Rescue // Crocodiles // 1980 

My Bloody Valentine // When You Sleep // Loveless // 1991

Oh Happy 24th Birthday Loveless.

Dreaded Crossroads

We've all been there, that moment we realize we've reached it.  The Dreaded Crossroads.  A place of unknowing, one made worse when it means you're responsible for others.  Which way?  What if you fuck it up?  The slice between tendon and fascia... it's a bitch.  Well, yeah, surgeons have nerves of steel for a reason.

If yoga has taught me anything (and it's taught me a lot), it's that at any moment one is uncertain, pissed off, confused, unbalanced, sad, raging or whatever; then that's a good time to go inward.  But what does that fucking mean?!  To the uninitiated, it means a lot.  Certain poses create introverted emotions, certain breathing techniques do the same.  When we go inside, we find protected spaces, boundaries, kindness, freedom.

Now is that time.  Things are about to get real weird here in Crank The Shiny Tune's pants and mind; as if they haven't already.  Internal for this loony means some deliciously beautiful, celestial and thoughtful tunes.   No lyrics posted this time, just listen to the melodies and fucking breathe.  Because for heaven's sake, we can all use a break.

But do please listen in order since there is a method to my madness, after all.

The Magnetic Fields // The Dreaming Moon // Get Lost // 1995

The Sundays //  Joy // Reading, Writing, Arithmetic // 1990

Catch this uploaded video before it's gone.  It's commercial free for those that can view it.

Cocteau Twins // Heaven or Las Vegas // Heaven or Las Vegas // 1990

Friday, October 30, 2015

You're A Loony

This week and Monty Python's Black Knight have a lot in common.  "Come back, I'll bite your legs off!"

So after two sleepless nights in a row, I'm gorging on my forbidden love and kryptonite for the second time in nine months.  Iced coffee, that is.  Look out Friday, trouble's coming and by trouble I mean me.   Taking bets on when the crash occurs.

Until then... good feels for all.

ELO // Shine a Little Love // Discovery // 1979

I'm going crazy
Majical Cloudz // Downtown // Are You Alone? // October 2015

Monday, October 26, 2015

Woman Flowers & Easy Sausages

A rare photo of my actual life.  Feast your eyes on some weird awkward poetry I made on my friend's fridge and that she actually kept.  These phrases crack me up and I forgot about them until I saw them the other day.  Today is a day dedicated to basic retro vagina music.  Woman flowers, easy sausages and walking in fire.  Listen in order.

 Fiona Apple // Criminal // Tidal // 1996  

Heaven help me
For the way I am
Save me from
These evil deeds
Before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings
The consequence at hand
But I keep living this day like
The next will never come 

K's Choice // Not an Addict // Paradise in Me // 1996

The deeper you stick it in your vein
The deeper the thoughts, there's no more pain
I'm in heaven, I'm a god
I'm everywhere, I feel so hot

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me

This version melts me because of the very subtle difference in lyrics (below).  They morph the song in a very powerful and serpentine way. Patti Smith's version is soul shattering, because she's just a phenomenal human being and because she brings a tender, strong yet controlled passion to the Wild Call.  You listen to it enough and you're undone.  Natalie Merchant's version, with her characteristic warble, shifts the tone to one of uncertainty and beckons you further into something darker, more sinister.   The whole dynamic changes. Listen to them both and see if you agree.

10,000 Maniacs // Because the Night // Bruce Springsteen & Patti Smith // 1978 by way of MTV Unplugged 1993

Take me now baby here as I am
Pull me close, try and understand
Desire is hunger is the fire I breathe
Love is a banquet on which we feed

Come on now try and understand
The way I feel under your command (Patti's version "when I'm in your hands")
Take my hand come undercover
They can't hurt you now

With love we sleep, with doubt the vicious circle turns, and burns
Without you, I cannot live, forgive the yearning burning
I believe it's hard, too real to feel, take me now (original version "touch me now")

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Take My Darkest Feeling

I'm in utter awe I've never openly posted about M83 and The Jesus and Mary Chain.  Totally idiotic since I've loved them ridiculously close for far too long.  Closer than any lover.  What I'm discovering is that with this blog, with life; I hold things/songs/bands/ close to me, afraid to share.

Holding things close, like secrets, is bullshit.  That ends now. 

And I am flying 

M83 // Run Into Flowers // Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts // 2003

Over there, and I want true love to grow
My Bloody Valentine // Sometimes // Loveless // 1991

I would shed my skin for you
The Jesus and Mary Chain // Happy When it Rains // Darklands // 1987

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Someone Stole My Head

Misanthropy is real and with that in mind, I'm not winning any friends this week.  But before all that, take a listen to the most beautiful track below.  Everything Martin and Victoria of Gliss (bandcamp) create is perfection.  Here, here and here as well as their website plus many other instances on various soundtrack platforms on the interwebs as well as all those glorious analog fossils I've created that are floating around.  Did I mention how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE them?? Get used to it.  Your life is better with them.

This latest solo track from the lovely Victoria is no exception and her video for her single Thieves of Love  for her solo project GLCL WLLS  is BREATHTAKING.   I've been playing it everyday... like a petulant child hungry for more.

Stay in touch here for now.

Ignore my rants but definitely run and support this; they're way more important, elegant and lovely than what I have to say.  If you must read on do so in full knowledge that it's completely separate from their amazingness.

GLCL WLLS// Thieves of Love // 2015

My mantra at the moment is FUCK IT ALL. Bad baby is back and she's got no time for any of you stupid idiots (present audience excluded, of course).  Words expelled and overheard in the last seven days.

In response to someone I'm interacting with when they refused to tell me the name of a restaurant they were eating at besides, "a good one".
Me: It's a good thing you didn't tell me which one since I have a dismembered rabbit with your name on it.
Him: Did you bite the head off your vibrator in frustration?
Me:  Yeah and shoved it up the anus of your rabbit for emphasis.

To a staff member:  "Listen here, little girl.  You and your 24 years are too young to tell me why you think my decisions are shit so take your illustrated life chart and suck it."

Interrupting my boss when she said there was a little bit of her in everyone: "But this isn't about you.  I'm not you.  I'm me." at which her response was, "Calm down Crazy."

Overheard in a grocery store, "Is he in therapy?  He should be, he's soooo sensitive.  Like totally really sensitive.  How do you EVEN deal?!".  I may or may not have accidentally pushed back when she drunk fell against me.

In response to these new futuristic and bodacious headphones:   As futuristic as they may be, I prefer my ear shields and black curtains. Sunglasses and headphones are my misanthropic way of saying, "Leave me [the fuck] alone, World. This is my time and you're not [ever] welcome".

Update: As this post was being created, I received a call from my boss wherein we discussed for awhile today the situations that precipitated the above behavior.  Turns out acting crazy actually gets you somewhere.  Who fucking knew?  

With that in mind, a lover I once knew and still adore epitomized a fabulous quote by Groucho Marx.  
 I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member"


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

My Shadow, You Make Me Want To Cry

My shadow, forever.. we live or die.  Faris.   This is something no one will understand and something I will never share.  I would rather suppress everything, pretend it all and swallow my reality.

Jay Reatard // My Shadow // Blood Visions // 2006

Siouxsie & The Banshees // Slowdive // A Kiss in the Dreamhouse // 1982

O.M.D. // (Forever) Live or Die // The Pacific Age // 1986

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Night & Day

I'm such a whiny asshole.  Filming was fine and joy of joys, it's happening every week now.   Maybe I'll develop Stockholm Syndrome and fall in love with my kidnapper.

Here's a tasty treat to make up for my shitty attitude.  Enjoy with an actual treat.  Booze, brownie or boner... kidnappee's choice.

Pearl Charles // Pearl Charles // 2015

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Can I Lick The Crumbs From Your Table?

Early tomorrow I have to be "camera ready" (as my boss demanded) to give a filmed biography of what I think about my job's subject to be used in marketing efforts and other american psycho endeavors.  I'd rather not shower for days, roll around in manure or fecund bio-matter and scream at any onlookers in some sort of madwomen mystical tongued language than pander for the camera.

The whole time I just know I'll be inwardly screaming Delta 5 while my eyes smile and lie.  The lies not being the subject (which I actually have a profound love for) but what the camera's filthy fingers are digging deeper into... that which is fucking mine and moreover, what transpires between me and my fellow humans.

Delta 5 // Mind Your Own Business // Now That You're Gone // 1979

And what does the camera see anyway?  A disfigured soul searching for something greater?  Someone who connects with individuals every day on their journey to something whole and guides them along the way?  No, cameras lie.  It'll see exactly what they want it to see.  Not the truth.

Images:  Unaccredited and open-sourced
Unknown Contortionist 1940-1950s, Two Faced Composition Doll 1920s

Monday, October 12, 2015


Images: Uncredited and open sourced

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Will Brake for Coasts & Ghosts

Screeching halt; the mind is a fickle place.  I'm consuming stories of women on solo journeys, across oceans, deserts, formidable landscapes that hurt the body and liberate the mind.

Tycho // Coastal Brake // Dive // 2011

The wanderlust is itching again except this time when I go, I want to be gone for good.  Time to play chess with the Universe.

Image: Julian Mandel Sans Titre, Paris 1933

Friday, October 9, 2015

Dragged Along

Okay, my heart breaks all the time.  It's a drag but let it happen.

Holy Ghost! // Okay // Dynamics // 2013

Oh the pope has appeal, it doesn't need to feel real
Even though I know the blood is thick
It's okay
No I'm not gonna take it

Day Wave //  Drag // Headcase // 2015

I don't want to be a drag
It'll just make you mad 

Tame Impala //  Let it Happen  // Currents // 2015

All this running around
Trying to cover my shadow
An ocean growing inside
All the others seem shallow
All this running around
Bearing down on my shoulders

I can't fight it much longer
Something's trying to get out
And it's never been closer

I've figured out this week that secrets are something worth keeping.  Something to hold close.  These experiences that we have.... we have to let them happen.


Baio //  Sister of Pearl  // 2015

 This song perpetually breaks/haunts/ loves me.  I tell no one, but you.  It's amazing.   All you lovers of The Vampire Weekend, breathe deeply because something has just hit your face and it's way better.

I've great love for Nick Cave and many other twisted and creepy thoughts.  I'm told I've been too dark and need to be more sunshiny.  This post is my attempt.   How did I do?

Monday, September 28, 2015

The Outsiders

 We're beautiful outsiders.  I'm over the moon that my most favorite lovely heart-stopping, throw myself on any stage or before any vehicle or sit in a room quietly absorbing the dull words of any historical muppet about the works of Butler and Anderson and how they came to be in the world and through the speakers of my most mundane life by being played on the actual... brace yourselves... the fucking R A D I O.

Suede // Outsiders // 2015

It's not real, right?  I'm fucking swooning;  never have actually heard a band I like, let alone LOVE on the fucking radio.  (obviously an exaggeration, but you understand) This is a goddamn joke.  I bow down to their guitar and vocals; like serpents around my throat,  Bernard and Brett wrap themselves around those delectable melodies.

My adoration is ridiculous: here, here, here, here, here , here, here
the rest is buried in my analog collection, Suede and Catherine Wheel are everything.

My dearest friend told me about her dream of The Sea last month.  She's the type that brings home finches the day I dream of them.   We are intertwined.  I've never shared this song with anyone but her until today; it's a dream I've had for the last twenty years.

Stark, protective, fierce, hiss.

Suede // By the Sea // Sci-fi Lullabies  // 1997

Friday, September 11, 2015

Bend Your Brain

This is an amazing sound to any happy day; it's an enormous doo-dah-doo for me whenever I hear it (wish you could hear me say it).

Beautiful love effervescence.

I've been waiting for so long
To come here now and sing this song
Don't be fooled by what you see
Don't be fooled by what you hear

This is a song to all of my friends
They take the challenge to their hearts
Challenging preconceived ideas
Saying goodbye to long standing fears

Don't crack up
Bend your brain
See both sides
Throw off your mental chains

I don't wanna be hip and cool
I don't wanna play by the rules
Not under the thumb of the cynical few
Or laden down by the doom crew

Howard Jones // New Song // 1984 

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Take Me Down

Dreamy, murky lyrics and crystalline heights.  All my favorite things.

Chromatics // Shadow // 2015

It reminds me of this favorite gem.   Do you hear it too?

Slowdive // Crazy For You // Pygmalion // 1995

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

This Is My Life

Matt Berninger - I love everything about him.  You already know that. (here, here, here , here and here)

El Vy // Return to the Moon // 2015

It's so fucking popular right now.
Dinosaur Jr.  // Feel the Pain // 1994

This song follows me no matter where I go.
So lame.  It is what it is.

Gerry Rafferty // Right Down the Line // 1978

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Grip

The grip reaches its fulfillment when it breathes a decisive exhalation full of interior hollowness; a space that was once occupied deep inside.  That space seeks an oblivion.. another area of belonging.

Let's practice... Inhale (think of the shit) and Exhale (Get rid of it).

You hear the song and you think, "Ohhhh... I've got this.  This is what needs to be said and I'm ok with saying it."  So you send The Letter; The Letter of Closure and before you can fully understand your words, you have typed your Truth, and what's more?  You've hit Send.

Embarrassment aside, you're right; it is Truth; and it needed to be said.

I thought about our massacre months ago and posted it.  Then I heard that song for the first time tonight since then.  How true... how true.  How needed.  Boom, letter sent.

I pictured a rainbow
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw the plan
I wandered out in the world for years
While you just stayed in your room
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon

You were there at the turnstiles
With the wind at your heels
You stretched for the stars
And you know how it feels
To reach too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon

I was grounded
While you filled the skies
I was dumbfounded by truths
You cut through lies
I saw the rain-dirty valley
You saw Brigadoon
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon

I spoke about wings
You just flew
I wondered, I guessed and I tried
You just knew
I sighed
But you swooned
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon

With a torch in your pocket
And the wind at your heels
You climbed on the ladder
And you know how it feels
To get too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon

Unicorns and cannonballs
Palaces and piers
Trumpets, towers, and tenements
Wide oceans full of tears
Flags, rags, ferry boats
Scimitars and scarves
Every precious dream and vision
Underneath the stars

Yes, you climbed on the ladder
With the wind in your sails
You came like a comet
Blazing your trail
Too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Dictating Reality

Weekend sounds.

Soko // My Dreams Dictate Reality // 2015

Moon Tides // As Loud As The Sun  // 2012

The Horrors // Oceans Burning - Skying // 2011

Friday, August 7, 2015

Silver Tipping

There are moments that grab you... just throw you into a place that isn't normal.   Silver Tipping was something we learned to do as we were poor and desperate for smokes in another country.   He taught me the language and I learned the need.  I was shocked to learn how agreeable previously smoked deposited cigarettes could be.   We were young, lost and greedy... hopeful for something but lost in the romance.

Song: Verse I (I forget verse 2)
Sleep today, find yourself tomorrow
Eat today, starve yourself tomorrow
When will you stop,
hiding in the doorway?

Waiting for the train to come
No longing to go home
The girl on the platform
Turns her head away

The clock is ticking
But time stands still
I'm left here swimming
In thoughts again

Left here swimming
In thoughts of you,
No chance of winning
Just an empty view 

Beautiful songs, beautiful memories.  I'm losing myself in the melodies and I've no idea why.   These are songs that were created sixteen years ago.  Acoustic lovelies, presented in honor of a love affair that was both intense, eye-opening, long lasting (in more ways than one) and of course, ill-fitting.

That's a lie.  I hum them to myself when no one is around even now.  I'm humming them often these days.  The melodies are actually so beautiful, it's a shame they were never recorded. 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Be The Gardener

Sometimes, it takes being a dentist.  PULL!!  Rotten teeth, seething in murk; extraction comes unwillingly.  But sometimes, it takes being a florist; selecting the best blossoms and discarding the rest.  The florist is so sad; slowly walking amongst the flowers and plants; gently revealing the tender leaves and blossoms.  Choosing the "best" blooms...

One way or the other you find your way and when you do... surprises unfold.  Such beautiful gardens, oases in a desert of mediocrity.  Lush foliage beckons... they're so far from your grasp.

What can you do?  Step softly...the garden is breathing.

You are not to blame for
Bittersweet distractors
Dare not speak its name
Dedicated to all human beings

Because we separate
Like ripples on a black shore

Take me with you
Dedicated to all human beings

Video by Clement Picon for Radiohead's animation contest

Saturday, August 1, 2015

You Can Have It All...

I realized something over the last few days.  The past is the past.  It's so simple, right?  It takes us time to embrace what it means for us to be... to BE, actually.

I'm pretty happy to accept this track and all its myriad memories with no attachments.

My 24th birthday, I was surrounded by a gypsy commune of folks, literally.  Surprise!  I walked into the room and this song was playing, lights out.  Everyone was gathered in a circle, I was in the center and they held candles with a raw vegan carrot cake (my favorite)  made by a woman who worshiped a crystal carried close to her breast.  A cherished oracle object she prayed over before bathing, before bed, before rising.   She was laughed at by some and loved by others; they all danced around me singing in unison to this glorious song.

(Just fy: I am most hateful of attention and birthdays in particular.   I would rather a thousand flies irritate my face and maggots infiltrate my skin than be inundated by a fucking mediocre/lame birthday. Genuine, personal and vulnerable is everything.  This night encompassed it all).

So beautiful and amazing on so many levels.  Afterwards, we blew bubbles as X performed at a now defunct warehouse and moshed our way to happiness and hung out with them afterwards (one of us made out with one of the band members; secrets remain).

It's become a talisman song for me, no doubt.  I gave it to others with the great love of an inside quiet gift.  They most surely didn't understand how much I fucking adore this song and all it means.  It doesn't mean love or devotion .... it means belonging and community.   It means pure love, openness, wildness and a heart that seeks Truth.  Now, I can release it.

Yo La Tengo // You Can Have It All - And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out // 2000

Thursday, July 30, 2015

A Kind of Weakness

Without you my life has become a hangover without end.
A movie made for TV: bad dialogue,
bad acting, no interest.
Too long with no story & no sex.

Is it a kind of weakness
to miss someone so much?
To wish the day would go away?
Like you did yesterday.
Just like you did yesterday.
& I can't think of a way to get through this pain:
To be happy again to make it all alright & I know it must be bad
'cos sitting here right now,
all I know is I can't even think,
I can't even think of anything clever to
say, to say
So I say why pretend any longer?
'Cos I need you here with me.
It's obvious that I miss you so much
so please say you're gonna stay.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

A Dialogue... Of Sorts...

I watch things like this while you're off doing whatever it is you do to waste time. And then my mind is filled with so many if we could stop the aging process would you want to live forever? Wouldn't you get bored and tired of everything? And if this does happen at some point how will we survive on an over populated planet that never dies? Would there be regulations on who and how long we could live? Would we then get to choose the day when we died? Would we throw goodbye parties? Watch it on netflix and then you tell me...

Me: It brings questions of defining a life's purpose? Where/how do you find meaning? Personally, I wouldn't want to be immortal in a world of narcissists and sociopaths. This a fictional movie that brings up some other interesting questions. What would you do if you met you? 

I will continue this convo after I watch this movie... (btw I dated a clinically diagnosed sociopath.. and it was one the most honest relationships Ive ever had - I learned that most lies are told because the individual is afraid of hurting the other but if one lacks these feelings then he only speaks the truth.)

I dated someone who surely was schizophrenic; in the most positive way. We broke up 4 months ago and he was probably the most functional person I've ever met. I miss him greatly but completely understand why he's not able to connect. He sees things in a terrible and astounding way. If I lived in that viewpoint, I'd see it the same way he does too.

"Have I gone mad?"
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers.  But I'll tell you a secret.  All the best people are." 

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Blood Snort

Wait...wait... I can't stop laughing long enough to type. I really wish I'd come across this band prior to watching this video.  So many precious video edits, lovers of pristine gothic themes might swoon; it's just a little bit too rehearsed for me.

All assholian mockery aside, I really like the sounds.  Keep me majestically blindfolded and maybe, maybe... very much of the dark ilk so many of us crave.

Drab Majesty // Everything is Sentimental - Collapse LP // June 2015

*On second thought, their imagery is really starting to grow on me.  Like a goth SNL.

Letter Tapestries

It's been ages since I picked up a book (and finished it) for the pure pleasure of reading.  Moons have birthed baby moons and those moons have spawned a GenX of new moonies since the time I gobbled words and thrust them promiscuously down my aching throat.  Not for research, not purposeful... merely ephemeral with no thought of anything else but losing my identity in the spun threads of letter tapestries.

Among Others by Jo Walton - Dedication Page

"I want to be a scientist," she confided.
"A scientist?"
"Yes.  A real one.  I was reading the other day about Lavoisier.  You know?"
"He discovered oxygen.  With Priestley."
"Well, and he was French.  He was an aristocrat, a marquis.  He was guillotined in the French Revolution, and he said he'd keep blinking his eyes after his head was cut off, for as long as he had consciousness.  He blinked seventeen times.  That's a scientist."
She's weird.  I like her. 

"Oh dark, dark, dark... those are the pearls that were his eyes... With these fragments have I shored up my ruins." 

"I reached out to the knife with my hand.  Whatever else it was, it was wood, and wood loves to burn, burning is in the pattern of wood, the potential fire that is the sun's fire.  The sun was setting, but the wood  leapt to flame, and I was flame, I was a flame contained in my own shape for a moment, and then I was a huge flame.... we weren't near the door to death but I was fire and she was fire and I had the pattern and I loved her.  She was not me, but she was in my heart, she always would be.... and though she was flame she smiled her real smile. ...I opened a space between the flame and where death fell in the pattern, and I hurled her through it, knife and all, and then I closed it up again and sank down, dampened the flame until I was in my own shape again."

"And here I am, still alive, still in the world.  It's my intention to carry on being alive in the world, well, until I die... I'll live, and read, and have friends, a karass, people to talk to.  I'll grow and change and be myself.  I'll belong to libraries wherever I go.  Maybe eventually I'll belong to libraries on other planets...Things will happen that I can't imagine.  I'll change and grow into a future that will be unimaginably different from the past.  I'll be alive.  I'll be me.  I'll be reading my book.  I'll never drown my books or break my staff.  I'll learn while I live.  Eventually I'll come to death, and die, and I'll go through death to new life, or heaven or whatever unknowable thing is supposed to happen to people when they die.  I'll die and rot and return my cells to life, in the pattern, whatever planet I happen to be on at the time.

That's what life is, and how I intend to live it."

Good stuff. 

Talk of our dreams, you surely have one
Temples // Keep in the Dark b/w Jewel of Mine Eye //  2013

Thursday, July 16, 2015


A little brainwashing does a body good.  The Seattle-based ladies of La Luz are beyond adorable.  Quirky, deadpan, twisted - all my favorite things.  That dental floss scene, don't miss it.

Keep a look out for their latest, Weirdo Shrine, to be released in August and tour dates.  I'm super dazzled to be soaking up their brand of surf pop in Austin later next month.

Monday, July 13, 2015

The Light, It's My Blood

Listening to much of Gliss these days.  Their raw, dripping, skuzzy, ecstatic guitars meets this delectable tongue slithering/lashing/whispering vocals... Martin and Victoria, you brilliant geniuses.  You've made me fall in love with music all over again.

Your heart...

Gliss // Morning Light - Devotion Implosion // 2009

They're latest,  Pale Reflections, is all the magic you need.   Lovers of all things sleazy, gossamer and haunting.... run, walk, shoegaze your shit over to their site and buy it.  It's GORGEOUS.

They've made it onto NUMEROUS mixes over the years because they're AMAZING.  Don't be weird;  go and gulp their amazingness down your parched throats.  This is oasis.

Come to Texas again, please.  I whisper sweet clutching mantras to you to make it so.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Expound the Sound

Current addictions:

Soft Kill's LP Heresy, will be released in October.

Tonight's the night, to live your life

Mood Rings // The Line - VPI Harmony // 2013

Everything about Gliss' latest album, Pale Reflections, inspires me.  Gossamer, metallic... dripping with all things GLISS.

I've got a beating heart...

Gliss // Heartbeat - Pale Reflections // June 2015

And some throwback favorites.

Maybe it's crashing down

Empire of the Sun // Half Mast- Walking on a Dream // 2008

We wash it away, this grey
This time is yours and mine
Hear the city sound, see the lonely crowds
This scene is you and me
In the lazy sun, we're the only ones

Suede // This Time  Sci-Fi Lullabies // 1997

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Hidden Rants

LOVE HIM.  John Maus, duh.  (here, here, here) . 

John Maus - No Title ( Molly)

Saturday, June 27, 2015


All the cute tropical garage francais je ne sais quoi you could ask for in this Soko (previously mentioned) sun-soaked music video for French band, Papooz, and featuring her striking lady love, Sasha.

I'll just pretend this is my summer vacation.

“I wanted it to be weird and DIY-looking and a bit fucked up,” says Soko of her video, “Ann Wants To Dance,” for the Parisian duo Papooz. “It's actually my first time directing someone else's video, and I put a lot of pressure on myself.”

Luckily for the French filmmaker, actor and musician, known for self-directing lo-fi music videos and collaborations with Spike Jonze, the tropical-garage duo proved to be laid back subjects. “Both Armand [Penicaut] and Ulysse [Cottin] have that very particular French cynicism and they don't take themselves too seriously,” says Soko. “They were down to play and go on adventures. Which is all I was asking for from them.”

Shot in Greece, the video is something of a love letter to Soko’s model girlfriend Sasha Melnychuk, who stars in the series of lighthearted holiday-themed vignettes.

“Sasha has this natural goddess beauty that is half tragic and half captivating. And because I love her, well, filming her is the most magical thing on the planet.”

Via Nowness

Insomnia Hell

Work in 2 hours and I'm in insomnia hell.   No sleep for the wicked it would seem and at this hour there are no beautiful words, only some sort of saggy grey absolutes.

The inevitable happy/sad tailspin after meeting up with the Ex-Lover... what a cliché- the earnest meanderings of the heart.  We've all said them before.  "We were so beautiful and then..."  Remembering it all, the beginning, the middle and the end.  You ignore something long enough, it will find a way to pounce on you when least expected.

Music was such an intrinsic component of our interaction, there is no way to encapsulate it all.  A terrible remembrance of what we were, could have been and the reality now but what else is there to do at the moment?  Once you buy a ticket to Cliché Ville, sit back and let the fun rain over you.

Crystal Fighters- LA Calling

Fleetwood Mac -Everywhere

Lower Dens - To Die in LA

 DIANA - Born Again 

 We all deserve a little drama and leniency.

Friday, June 26, 2015

I Love Those Fucking Eyes

John Maus is a genius (here and here)... each and every time I turn a corner on his roadmap I fall even more entranced into his sparkly, spidery jams.  THIS SONG.  super swoon

Also, who else could turn a shitty movie featuring Vanilla Ice into a post-modern gem of a music video?  I dare you to watch and not smile (or snort).

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Swum Flung

Dredge, float, believe.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Time Folds In On Itself

There are very few persons that humble me; situations to be sure, but people?  There was only one person that this song rang true for me but suddenly I find myself thinking of it in the context of someone new.  Not like anything I've known before; it's neither romance or spirited love affair but something else entirely.  Lessons abound and with it, a reminder of a never fully realised love affair from years before.  Only now, the roles have switched.  So be it, this song is still a gem of immeasurable value.

Great live version

Original audio

I go humble
you're so curiously pure
only before you I'm humble

I go humble
you amaze me
only before you I'm humble

I should be arrested
for my emotional stunts
only before you I'm humble

I'm queen of provocation
I wake people up
only before you I'm humble

I go humble
I adore you
only before you I'm humble

Strange Mange

Don’t tell me that a day will come
when we dress like everyone
cuz I can tell you’re strange like me

Don’t say the hour’s growing late
Don’t say we should be going straight
cuz I can tell you’re strange like me

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Remember, Remember

Lusciously creepy, deliciously weird.  Good morning world, this makes me so happy.

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