Saturday, August 1, 2015

You Can Have It All...

I realized something over the last few days.  The past is the past.  It's so simple, right?  It takes us time to embrace what it means for us to be... to BE, actually.

I'm pretty happy to accept this track and all its myriad memories with no attachments.

My 24th birthday, I was surrounded by a gypsy commune of folks, literally.  Surprise!  I walked into the room and this song was playing, lights out.  Everyone was gathered in a circle, I was in the center and they held candles with a raw vegan carrot cake (my favorite)  made by a woman who worshiped a crystal carried close to her breast.  A cherished oracle object she prayed over before bathing, before bed, before rising.   She was laughed at by some and loved by others; they all danced around me singing in unison to this glorious song.

(Just fy: I am most hateful of attention and birthdays in particular.   I would rather a thousand flies irritate my face and maggots infiltrate my skin than be inundated by a fucking mediocre/lame birthday. Genuine, personal and vulnerable is everything.  This night encompassed it all).

So beautiful and amazing on so many levels.  Afterwards, we blew bubbles as X performed at a now defunct warehouse and moshed our way to happiness and hung out with them afterwards (one of us made out with one of the band members; secrets remain).

It's become a talisman song for me, no doubt.  I gave it to others with the great love of an inside quiet gift.  They most surely didn't understand how much I fucking adore this song and all it means.  It doesn't mean love or devotion .... it means belonging and community.   It means pure love, openness, wildness and a heart that seeks Truth.  Now, I can release it.

Yo La Tengo // You Can Have It All - And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out // 2000

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