You are what you consume.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Another No One
After a period of soul searching following several months of intense panic/anxiety attacks and a particularly insightful tarot card reading, I submitted my resignation today. Just a couple of weeks and then no more legal mumbo jumbo, no more Babylon Tower. No more Devil Bride, Devil Spawn, Pit Vipers or The Bitches of Eastwick. No more irate clients calling me "Useless Bitch, Fucking Worthless" etc. On to better and brighter things.
Strange that such a melancholy sounding tune would complement this even stranger buoyantly weighted feeling of... well... blissful resignation. But as you probably already know, Suede is and always will be home and a part of my center.
She takes the blame, takes the pain but the world smiles...
So she packs her bags, smokes a fag and the world smiles
Because inside well she feels alright and turns to say:
"Yes it's the end, the final showdown
Yes it's the end of our small love
You'll have to find another no one to take the shit like I have
Well I guess this is the end, I guess this is the end"
*Nerdy footnote: In times of indecision or confusion, the Zerner-Farber deck is insightful and kind, not cruel or pointed... kind of like having a fiercely independent eccentric great-aunt [who may even have been a bohemian flapper in the 1920s] giving you an objective overview of your life and encouraging you to grasp it with both hands.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Life On My Own
I don't want to perform. I will never fucking be you!! Conformity doesn't interest me and I refuse to even try anymore. No longer an infant sulphur match waiting for an itch of your subjective fancy to strike me into life, desperate and hungry for your attention-approval. Stretched taut and tight, the stirrings within me speak powerfully and I turn my face in ecstasy to their demands, not shame. I will never hold you as jagged comfort ever again...
She has come from the dark predatory depths, No Longer Unknown, speaking Truth with a clear vengeance all her own. Like Kali... the blessed goddess that swallows your ignorant self-obsessed head, digesting it through her bacteria infested putrid intestines and finally births it through a vaginal canal so pure and clean you emerge Yourself.
Masquer's lyrics and sounds of their song Happiness make me feel so ridiculously calm.
Image: Sasha Stone, Femmes-Study No. 10, 1933
Labels:
Life Lessons,
Masquer,
Photography,
Sasha Stone,
Thoughts
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Translating The Gentle Bull
I tumble. Won't you come tumble with me?
I may, or may not, also swim with crocodiles.
Here are some of my favorite scenes from the Crocodile Dundee series.
Also definitely the thong scene.
This song by New Orleans outfit Time Promises Power makes me very happy.
Tonight The Stars Revolt
Labels:
Crocodile Dundee,
Time Promises Power,
Tumblr
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
End of the Earth
The beach yesterday was lovely, which might be the most paltry description ever. It was like being stranded at the most delicious end of the earth with the stars to tease you and a fantastic funny friend to laugh with louder than the wind roars and share quiet moonlit thoughts on divine omniscient creatures. I wish I could be a beachcomber for the rest of my life.... days full of gentle humming, water and maybe the occasional rattlesnake habitat for a little adventure.
*photos by my friend
Labels:
Beach,
The National
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Beaches & Britches
Texas may indeed be too big for its britches [Rick Perry needs to just be voted off the planet already. And for the love of all things sane, don't even get me started on Mitt Romney]. I'd rather just throw everything up in the air and move but I'll settle for a mini respite instead. Headed to the beach today with a favorite travel buddy and a 40 song mixed cd I made yesterday to boot.
In my neck of the woods, mid October is the perfect time for the beach. Mild balmy temperatures in the high 80F days to low 70F nights so welcome after the fucking hell vader's breath shit heat of the summer. I think that's low 30C to low 20C for you across the pond. Bonus: all those surbanites are tucked in tight in their weird Hitchcockian nests far far away so stars willing we'll have nothing but wind and waves for company.
Craving and dreaming of walking as far as we dare into those warm salty waves. Seagulls sing-song begging above us eager for the tasty treats we'll eat and not share, as we meander tirelessly down the smooth sticky coast sharing our stories; relishing in the sweet sweet solitude of us, the waves, the fickle wind as it whispers with a smooth caress come sunset. And always my favorite grace, that blissful bright moon floating peacefully above the inky black abyss as She sparkles with Her smile at the hazy orange lights of those oily Gulf rigs hovering in the distance.
Alone and at peace.
Mac DeMarco and this song in particular are MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE right now. Sultry vocals, hypnotic, happy beats reminiscent of something so perfectly postmodern I can't quite put my finger on. Is it Springsteen? Is it that ching changy chime so popular of late? Whatever its intoxicating power is, it fits my current restless lonely wild animal lusty nostalgic mood. If only we were just headed to California instead of just this much needed mini roadtrip beachy chat wine fest. Maybe I can convince my wonderful travel buddy to just Thelma & Louise book it and never look back...
F-BOOK /// BANDCAMP
Labels:
Beach,
Mac Demarco
Exposure
It's a beautiful transcendental experience when you start thinking about songs FOR others, not just about yourself and your own selfish feelings. Making mixes for people is a small step but the moment that you open yourself and give onto others... the world opens up.
Patience, honesty, kindness and meditations. I wouldn't usually illuminate a band like this, but as uncomfortable as growing and loving can be...I'm doing it.
Mumford & Sons - Lover of the Light
Labels:
Life Lessons,
Mumford and Sons
Friday, October 19, 2012
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
-Wendell Berry
Labels:
Poetry,
Wendell Berry
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Crimes of Passion
Last night I went to a screening of Dario Argento's DEMONS with some of my awesome weirdo chatty friends. Who doesn't sometimes need some hilarious gore to get you through the day?
P.S. The soundtrack features some seriously awesome sounds by Rick Astley, Goblin [OF COURSE!] and Saxon
Labels:
Dario Argento,
Demons,
film
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Privy
Perhaps misguided, I never really expect anyone else to understand the subtleties of these gnarled and twisted growing things. The more fuel you add to a fire often quells the flames and reality disappoints far worse than any fantastical velleity. And don't we always secretly pity the blissfully ignorant fools while we spurt viscous tar from the fountains of that once coveted knowledge? I'd rather cling with fervor to the lamina of my thoracic vertabral arch, perfectly still sniffing your bravado stench in silence.
El Perro Del Mar never disappoints and our darling Sarah Assbring always brings a smile to my face. Case in point, her recent foray into hypnotic synths, moody melodies and spooky vocals with Innocence is Sense from her latest LP Pale Fire. The song mounts with an appropriate tension and births the listener into a welcomed diapason, rippling eddies of welcome sounds.
While watching the video, if anyone else out there also thinks Film Noir Femme Fatale Beekeeper, I promise to love you forever and ever. Amen.
*Don't ask me why but for some reason the last minute of this amazing video also had me thinking over and over again Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame
El Perro Del Mar never disappoints and our darling Sarah Assbring always brings a smile to my face. Case in point, her recent foray into hypnotic synths, moody melodies and spooky vocals with Innocence is Sense from her latest LP Pale Fire. The song mounts with an appropriate tension and births the listener into a welcomed diapason, rippling eddies of welcome sounds.
While watching the video, if anyone else out there also thinks Film Noir Femme Fatale Beekeeper, I promise to love you forever and ever. Amen.
*Don't ask me why but for some reason the last minute of this amazing video also had me thinking over and over again Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame
Labels:
El Perro Del Mar,
Life Lessons,
Sarah Assbring,
Thoughts
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Pfft Y Bwah
These two songs have been wrapping their mummy gauze around my brain for what feels like an eternity. It's only Tuesday. TUESDAY. I need a nap... and a lobotomy.
Labels:
Father John Misty,
Repetition Madness,
Tarantelle
Monday, October 15, 2012
Waking Up
My amazing beautiful friend who recently just had a baby asked me [ok maybe she begged a bit] to compile a "Wake Up" mixed cd because she works ungodly crazy overtime hours and she's always either on the phone with Make The World Better persons [she administers a coalition for better wages in Southern California] while she's driving to and from places and has to either take conference or family calls while she's nursing her newborn or usually falls asleep whenever her husband drives when they're listening to NPR.
Her request was, "Gen make me something peppy, I need 80s and punk otherwise I fall asleep".
Of course I complied! Her mix is filled with tons of happy thumpy songs.
Sly Flox - All The WayHer request was, "Gen make me something peppy, I need 80s and punk otherwise I fall asleep".
Of course I complied! Her mix is filled with tons of happy thumpy songs.
Cupid Got It Wrong
There's something wrong with Cupid's aim and I think it's because he might have a drinking problem. He stumbles around on wobbly chubby legs and flies haphazardly, shooting crooked arrows in willy-nilly directions with no thought of the target. A jovial fool with all the dangerous powers of the heart, he makes callous matchmaking jokes and pairs inconsistently. Which doesn't really help us...a broken arrow intended for someone else pierces a heart and all one can do is watch helplessly waiting for its sting to fade. Fuck, c'mon Cupid! Get it together! Don't you know the first step is admitting you have a problem?
Current enamored obsessions: Francisco the Man's folky garage shoegaze, Lola's dreamy murky creations and a certain fella I just can't stop thinking about.
Labels:
Art,
Crush,
Cupid,
Francisco The Man,
Lola Fine Art
Saturday, October 13, 2012
What a Circus!
October weddings in my circle seem like they've become a thing. Remember last year when I bored you all with those rants about finding a dress and having to put up with the icky romance factor [but secretly I truly love it, sort of like being a curmudgeonly super closeted macho gay bear]?
[Here, here, here and here]
Tonight I'm going to a circus wedding, an actual circus! There will be acrobats, burlesque dancers, jugglers, sideshow performers, flame throwers and we're all encouraged to dress up as our favorite circus freaks. Two Star Symphony will be performing too! If ever there was a moment to let your freak flag fly high, tonight will be it.
Now if I can just figure out how to apply these hologram eyelashes without blinding myself...
Labels:
Circus,
Freaks,
Two Star Symphony,
Wedding
Friday, October 12, 2012
Just For Today
A moment, a glance, a flash of memory so sweet and painful, like a cramp only more dull and deep... You slip into the memories as effortlessly as minnows. Sliding through space, folding in on yourself, fragile origami bird, trying to define the flavor, the exact color of his caress.
Maybe it was only a dream, these blinding petrified fantasies.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
In The Future Yesterday
Last night Skywalker and I had loooong gloriously juicy chats about all sorts of far-reaching heady subjects like Daoism, Death & Mortality, Roots [as in family, not hair], Astrology [there I go again with the astrology] and Balancing Ourselves in Life and Relationships. So many super good things shared and learned that today all I want to do is be this fine looking lass sitting by this fine looking pool sipping a fine tasting beverage daydreaming about time travel and eating fruit.
Speaking of time travel, this delightful track Time Travel by the even more delightful Blouse has been stuck in my head for a few days. Probably because I've recently become super addicted to and can't stop watching Doctor Who and am in danger of naming my soon to be brought home beta fish, Tardis.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
4 Ay Em Boogie
There's a funny maxim floating around out in the sea of Bad Decisions about nothing good ever happening after 2 am but what about after 4 a.m.? Who knows? Maybe some kind of awesome fairy floats into your apartment with an awesome wand and flings awesome fairy dust all over you. Sidenote: I'm pretty sure some poor soul out there has had this happen in the 'After 2 am' time frame with someone flinging something infinitely less awesome than fairy dust over them but in this metaphor it's 4 a.m. and the someone doing the flinging is an awesome fairy and the something being flung is akin to glitter... boring G-rated glitter, ok? Ok.
So as it's my proposition that after 4 a.m. you're safe from the nothing good ever happening scenarios, it is therefore okay to write blog posts. I really can't explain why except to say See Above and because, well, it's 4 a.m. and even though I might be covered in awesome fairy glitter my brain still reacts to 4 a.m. about the same. Slow, sludgy slothdom. It's about the time to implement the Bullet List - a rather magical device that manages to keep my brain particles from disintegrating and/or migrating into space.
1. I'm currently reading this really interesting, slightly weird book called The Theory of Light and Matter by Andrew Porter which is, I'm sorry to report, not a quipy satire about quantum physics or space mechanics but is instead a collection of short stories about Surbanites. I don't know if anyone younger than 70 is allowed to say this but I'm a huge fan of short stories that pack a wallop. They're kind of like a fly's view [okay scratch that, not a fly because that would be prismatic information overload], more like an ant's view of life. Seemingly this small microcosm that can have such interminable meanings. Here's an excerpt from the title story and though I could have chosen a more wallopy passage, out of context it might have seemed merely commonplace which is kind of the crux of the Ant's view. Anyway:
"I suppose you want to know", he said, putting the kettle on to boil.
"Know what?" I asked.
"Whether you got the equation right."
"No," I said. "I already know I didn't."
"How can you be sure?"
"I just am," I shrugged. "I fucked it up."
He smiled. "Tell me, Heather," he said. "Do you always use that type of language with your professors?"
"No," I said. "Only when they invite me back to their apartments."
He laughed.
"Was I even on the right track?" I asked.
He shook his head. 'Honestly,' he said "You weren't even close."
Then he smiiled. "You know, it took me a year to complete that equation. Dirac himself had trouble reproducing it without notes."
"So what possessed you to give it to us?"
He grinned. "Arrogance is a physicist's greatest hindrance," he said, taking the kettle off the stove and pouring the hot water into a ceramic pot. As soon as you think you understand something, you eliminate any opportunity for discovery."
"So if I got wrong," I said. "I mean, if I wasn't right. Why did you invite me here?"
He walked into the room and handed me a tea cup. "Because you were the only one who finished the exam."
I looked at him.
"You were the only one who handed it in," he said. "That was the test. And you passed."
"Do I get an A then?"
"No," he said. "You get some tea."
2. I think I'm about ready to start another blog even though the last time didn't turn out exactly as I thought it would and I scrapped the whole endeavor after just a few short months. It occurs to me that being music junkie is largely solitary pursuit especially if you're not at live shows multiple times during any given week or yapping your Saturdays away with other music nerds at the local record shop. One is usually at home listening at full blast while doing something mundane like the dishes or washing the dog or scribbling away on a computer at 4 a.m. writing random blog posts while the latest Featherface or Yeasayer or insert name here release streams innocuously through those tinny laptop speakers. Maybe you belong to a mix cd swap club and your fellow swappees are just as equally into music as you are and commit with zealotry but let's face it... when do those actually work anyway??? Maybe you even write a blog about music and if lucky enough to have followers, exchange viewpoints therein. My point in all of this is I'm ready to connect in a different way. Hence this wordy behemoth of a post and hopefully with more to come on that a bit later down the road.
3. Tonight a really strange dream woke me up involving driving through pounding rain on long stretches of a deserted highway en route to a particular local beach, searching for a friend and an obscure exit which was all precipitated by her sending me pictures [in my dreams that is] from friends in need posing with Pekinese pups, druggie rockers wearing vests and hidden boners. Yeah, I don't get that one either.
4. I woke up from said dream with Stevie Wonder looping in my head. At 4 a.m. on a Wednesday it's safe to say I don't want to Boogie On, Reggae Woman. I do; however, want to do something heinous and possibly illegal to my neighbor's dog who has been whining and barking for the last hour. If something accidentally and mysteriously happens to him, I plead the fifth.
It's now well past 4 a.m. and my brief vampiric uprising is quieting down. Boogie on late nighters...
So as it's my proposition that after 4 a.m. you're safe from the nothing good ever happening scenarios, it is therefore okay to write blog posts. I really can't explain why except to say See Above and because, well, it's 4 a.m. and even though I might be covered in awesome fairy glitter my brain still reacts to 4 a.m. about the same. Slow, sludgy slothdom. It's about the time to implement the Bullet List - a rather magical device that manages to keep my brain particles from disintegrating and/or migrating into space.
1. I'm currently reading this really interesting, slightly weird book called The Theory of Light and Matter by Andrew Porter which is, I'm sorry to report, not a quipy satire about quantum physics or space mechanics but is instead a collection of short stories about Surbanites. I don't know if anyone younger than 70 is allowed to say this but I'm a huge fan of short stories that pack a wallop. They're kind of like a fly's view [okay scratch that, not a fly because that would be prismatic information overload], more like an ant's view of life. Seemingly this small microcosm that can have such interminable meanings. Here's an excerpt from the title story and though I could have chosen a more wallopy passage, out of context it might have seemed merely commonplace which is kind of the crux of the Ant's view. Anyway:
"I suppose you want to know", he said, putting the kettle on to boil.
"Know what?" I asked.
"Whether you got the equation right."
"No," I said. "I already know I didn't."
"How can you be sure?"
"I just am," I shrugged. "I fucked it up."
He smiled. "Tell me, Heather," he said. "Do you always use that type of language with your professors?"
"No," I said. "Only when they invite me back to their apartments."
He laughed.
"Was I even on the right track?" I asked.
He shook his head. 'Honestly,' he said "You weren't even close."
Then he smiiled. "You know, it took me a year to complete that equation. Dirac himself had trouble reproducing it without notes."
"So what possessed you to give it to us?"
He grinned. "Arrogance is a physicist's greatest hindrance," he said, taking the kettle off the stove and pouring the hot water into a ceramic pot. As soon as you think you understand something, you eliminate any opportunity for discovery."
"So if I got wrong," I said. "I mean, if I wasn't right. Why did you invite me here?"
He walked into the room and handed me a tea cup. "Because you were the only one who finished the exam."
I looked at him.
"You were the only one who handed it in," he said. "That was the test. And you passed."
"Do I get an A then?"
"No," he said. "You get some tea."
2. I think I'm about ready to start another blog even though the last time didn't turn out exactly as I thought it would and I scrapped the whole endeavor after just a few short months. It occurs to me that being music junkie is largely solitary pursuit especially if you're not at live shows multiple times during any given week or yapping your Saturdays away with other music nerds at the local record shop. One is usually at home listening at full blast while doing something mundane like the dishes or washing the dog or scribbling away on a computer at 4 a.m. writing random blog posts while the latest Featherface or Yeasayer or insert name here release streams innocuously through those tinny laptop speakers. Maybe you belong to a mix cd swap club and your fellow swappees are just as equally into music as you are and commit with zealotry but let's face it... when do those actually work anyway??? Maybe you even write a blog about music and if lucky enough to have followers, exchange viewpoints therein. My point in all of this is I'm ready to connect in a different way. Hence this wordy behemoth of a post and hopefully with more to come on that a bit later down the road.
3. Tonight a really strange dream woke me up involving driving through pounding rain on long stretches of a deserted highway en route to a particular local beach, searching for a friend and an obscure exit which was all precipitated by her sending me pictures [in my dreams that is] from friends in need posing with Pekinese pups, druggie rockers wearing vests and hidden boners. Yeah, I don't get that one either.
4. I woke up from said dream with Stevie Wonder looping in my head. At 4 a.m. on a Wednesday it's safe to say I don't want to Boogie On, Reggae Woman. I do; however, want to do something heinous and possibly illegal to my neighbor's dog who has been whining and barking for the last hour. If something accidentally and mysteriously happens to him, I plead the fifth.
It's now well past 4 a.m. and my brief vampiric uprising is quieting down. Boogie on late nighters...
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Astrousy
Did you know John Lennon was a Libra? I sure didn't and feel a bit of nonplussed irritation mixed with an a-ha epiphany. Maybe you're not into astrology [which if the case, just skip the following] and maybe you are but I always thought he possessed a bit of Geminian asceticism plus you'd have to be a bit twinned to love someone like Yoko right? Though if I pause and think a moment, it makes sense. His Libran indecision was precisely displayed through the interplay of choosing Yoko over The Beatles.
Now that I know he's of the Libran variety, I have mixed emotions. I'm not too sure what to think except to say that I seem to be fatally drawn to individuals with strongly aspected Libran Suns and Moons [along with Scorpios, Leos and Aries but that's another slice of astro pie altogether] so it makes sense his lyrics would move me in the way that they do.
Think I'll just have to put this little tidbit in my astrology pipe and smoke on it for awhile.
Happy Birthday John from one jealous frog to another.
*In case you were curious 'Astrousy' is a smush meaning Astrological Jealousy which is something I'm super familiar with. Don't ask, it's a tunnel of Wonderland proportions.
Now that I know he's of the Libran variety, I have mixed emotions. I'm not too sure what to think except to say that I seem to be fatally drawn to individuals with strongly aspected Libran Suns and Moons [along with Scorpios, Leos and Aries but that's another slice of astro pie altogether] so it makes sense his lyrics would move me in the way that they do.
Think I'll just have to put this little tidbit in my astrology pipe and smoke on it for awhile.
Happy Birthday John from one jealous frog to another.
*In case you were curious 'Astrousy' is a smush meaning Astrological Jealousy which is something I'm super familiar with. Don't ask, it's a tunnel of Wonderland proportions.
Labels:
Astrology,
Birthdays,
Jealousy,
John Lennon
Poisoned Sunset
I feel totally sick to my stomach [as well as being generally sick with a stupid head cold] because I gave away my 3-day pass to November's Fun Fun Fun Fest and I just.can't.stand.it. The line up this year is ridiculous and even though festivals can sometimes be annoying, I was looking forward to a weekend getaway surrounded by audiophiles and live sounds.
A couple of months back I made a list of the bands I was uber excited to see [which I listed below] but rather than pour salted lemon juice into my bruised sulky pout by linking songs to all of them, here's a really weird band I stumbled across in my efforts to ignore all things Fun Fest related.
Snow Wite hail from the poisoned acid landscape of Los Angeles and you can taste that powdery psychedelia in their mix of garage haze. Strange, unnerving, slightly postmodern even... I really can't get a clear picture of their band's sound without a few more listens. Here more at their bandcamp.
Here's a really WEIRD video for their track D.I.A.N.E - I guess that's just L.A. for you.
Okay maybe I self-indulgently and masochistically fell a little too far down the self-pity hole with the following list but I'm sure you can understand. Just look at some of the stellar acts performing [and please just ignore my parenthetic whining].
De La Soul // Starfucker // Trust [don't even fucking get me started on not getting to see these kids] // Tanlines // Diamond Rings // Gold Fields // Love Inks [UGGHHH] // Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros // PIL [Yes as in Public Image Limited] // Explosions in the Sky [seem them twice and they're SOOO GOOD] // Santigold // The Head and the Heart // The Black Angels [I really really wanted to see them] // Minus the Bear // Deerhoof [seen them twice, super fun!] // Surfer Blood // Atlas Sound // Black Moth Super Rainbow [soo pissed about this one. It's a pretty safe bet to say that a track of theirs ends up on every 2nd mix cd I make] // Twin Sister // Dum Dum Girls [whimpers] // Beach Fossils [triple whimpers] // Yellow Ostrich [posted about them awhile back] // A Place To Bury Strangers [seen them but hot damn they're good live] // Balmorhea [beautiful, I hope their subtlety will translate live] // Ume // Wavves [fuck this would have been so great] // Japandroids // Braid
Labels:
Fun Fun Fun Fest,
Los Angeles,
Near Misses,
Psychedelic,
Snow Wite
Monday, October 8, 2012
Lolley's Curiosities
What do you think? I can't decide if Lolley's Curiosities are kitsch or what but this palette shouts Autumn to me and that's a wonderful thing. Does it remind you also of Emily Martin's The Black Apple I posted awhile back over here? My fellow Texas will probably agree these prints are the closest we'll get to fall colors anytime soon.
Labels:
Art,
Fall,
Lolleys Curiosity
Saturday, October 6, 2012
ABBAllet 1984
Holy hell y'all it's frigging BALLET PORN set to ABBA music. My brain just exploded.
Labels:
ABBA,
ABBAllet,
Brain Explosion
Close to Real
I know so little about her, this mother of mine. I am lucky to have been birthed by such an intelligent strange soul. We shined flashlights at planets and she regaled me with stories of the origin of rainstorm thunder
clouds. I can still see her hands, the hairs on her legs and her dark gypsy eyes. So very different from my own sea glass irises.
She was according to others an odd entity, a special one with a very private personality. They barely knew her because she never allowed anyone in. Blessed Scorpio, tender soul... she kept herself unto herself. She was her own person but she painted, she danced, she loved, she wept. I remember well her passion she tried so hard to keep from The Others; how she cried with vehemence and danced with abandon.
I watched her... Watched her dance, paint, cry, lose it and loved her through it all.
Fourteen years ago she died. Even though I can longer remember her voice or smell, the loss sometimes reverberates like a living thing. Each passing year it changes color and depth [how do you ask your mother a question you never knew you wanted to ask and one that you know you would never ask her anyway??]. I do wish so much to hear her thoughts, her voice and what she thinks about her life. She was so silent for most of hers. I can still feel the moment on the bridge shortly after she died when her presence right behind me was as real as any embrace.
Because of her I learned to love our darkness and those deep creepy feelings. To hug, not hate, our Monsters. To wrap myself into You/Into Myself to remind you that you deserve love too despite and because of those darknesses. It never leaves, that coldness. It's always there relentless but to have love, to know that there are warm arms ready to surround with comfort and dark minds that understand... it is a small reprieve I know; this legacy to her, this gift to You.
This song Cutting Ice to Snow by Efterklang stretches and with those fabulous strings feels true, this love that has no physical output. I wish I could hold her in my arms and say, "Rose you are loved. You beautiful you, there is darkness every where and I know you feel it inside your core. I feel it too. Come to me, I love you. Let me heal you."
She was according to others an odd entity, a special one with a very private personality. They barely knew her because she never allowed anyone in. Blessed Scorpio, tender soul... she kept herself unto herself. She was her own person but she painted, she danced, she loved, she wept. I remember well her passion she tried so hard to keep from The Others; how she cried with vehemence and danced with abandon.
I watched her... Watched her dance, paint, cry, lose it and loved her through it all.
Fourteen years ago she died. Even though I can longer remember her voice or smell, the loss sometimes reverberates like a living thing. Each passing year it changes color and depth [how do you ask your mother a question you never knew you wanted to ask and one that you know you would never ask her anyway??]. I do wish so much to hear her thoughts, her voice and what she thinks about her life. She was so silent for most of hers. I can still feel the moment on the bridge shortly after she died when her presence right behind me was as real as any embrace.
Because of her I learned to love our darkness and those deep creepy feelings. To hug, not hate, our Monsters. To wrap myself into You/Into Myself to remind you that you deserve love too despite and because of those darknesses. It never leaves, that coldness. It's always there relentless but to have love, to know that there are warm arms ready to surround with comfort and dark minds that understand... it is a small reprieve I know; this legacy to her, this gift to You.
This song Cutting Ice to Snow by Efterklang stretches and with those fabulous strings feels true, this love that has no physical output. I wish I could hold her in my arms and say, "Rose you are loved. You beautiful you, there is darkness every where and I know you feel it inside your core. I feel it too. Come to me, I love you. Let me heal you."
Labels:
Death,
Efterklang,
LIfe,
Truth
Friday, October 5, 2012
Naughty Older Boy
Still can't get enough of these two tracks from Rainbow Arabia with their catchy post punk ethnotronic beats. It's a shame the outfit tends to be a bit hit or miss when it comes to originality and has a tendency to border on overkill if you try to listen to both LPs in one sitting. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Still there are a few hidden gems on both Boys and Diamonds and Kabukimono [despite what Pitchfork's somewhat scathing review has to say] and these two tracks in particular are well worth a listen. Both are perfect additions to those fun random mixed cds you make for no reason other than because you just fucking feel like it and which thread perfectly into the seams of those much needed late night dancing and arting debaucheries. Pop a bottle, swirl some paint, get a little funky.
Swoonville, these lyrics and bongos are too much
Moody dancefloor synths, Bollywood-esque sounding vocals
image by Harry Smith
Labels:
Art,
Harry Smith,
Rainbow Arabia
Thursday, October 4, 2012
The Russian Cosmonaut
Earlier this week a friend and I watched Another Earth which if you're unfamiliar is the story of a young woman, who on the eve of celebrating her admission into MIT's Astrophysics program kills a family in a drunk driving accident. The same evening, the world simultaneously discovers that there is in fact another planet in our solar system, a blue planet. Turns out it is a ... yep you guessed it, Another Earth that the powers that be very creatively call Earth 2.
Once released from her four year prison term, she takes a job as a janitor at a high school [brilliant nerdy kid working as a janitor, shades of Good Will Hunting folks] and works with Pagoda from The Royal Tenenbaums who has a brilliant if small role as the blind 'visionary' turned deaf after he pours bleach into his ears because "he sees himself everywhere". She discovers that the father didn't die and has just woken up from a four year coma and that Earth 2 appears to be moving closer. Consumed by guilt, she visits him wanting to apologize but chickens out at the last minute [because what the crap do you even say to someone whose family you murdered??] and says she's a cleaning lady soliciting new clients for Maid in Heaven.
This scene where Brit Marling describes The Russian Cosmonaut, like so much of the film, is so tender and delicate.
It comes to light that Earth 2 is the equivalent of an alternate or parallel universe and the inhabitants are mirror images of ourselves [which is about the point that I jokingly wondered why they didn't call the damn orb Htrea, Terre Deux or something just a little more original than Earth 2]. The young woman and the Widower engage in an affair and she wins a shuttle ticket to Earth 2 which she ends up giving to the Widower because it comes to light that once the two Earths became aware of each other the synchronicity of life events was broken. It's suggested that maybe his dead pregnant wife and child may be alive on the other Earth. He goes, she stays.
In the final scene she meets herself and is speechless. The imagery is beautiful and helps saves the film from being one of those uber pretentious art house indie films that thinks by leaving things mysterious and nebulous it is somehow thought-provoking. Also, Brit Marling is darling! There I said it. It's worth watching, just don't get pissy about the dearth of explanations and multiple cliff-hangers.
It's the ultimate form of self-indulgence but I'm still stumped... what would you say to another you??
Once released from her four year prison term, she takes a job as a janitor at a high school [brilliant nerdy kid working as a janitor, shades of Good Will Hunting folks] and works with Pagoda from The Royal Tenenbaums who has a brilliant if small role as the blind 'visionary' turned deaf after he pours bleach into his ears because "he sees himself everywhere". She discovers that the father didn't die and has just woken up from a four year coma and that Earth 2 appears to be moving closer. Consumed by guilt, she visits him wanting to apologize but chickens out at the last minute [because what the crap do you even say to someone whose family you murdered??] and says she's a cleaning lady soliciting new clients for Maid in Heaven.
This scene where Brit Marling describes The Russian Cosmonaut, like so much of the film, is so tender and delicate.
It comes to light that Earth 2 is the equivalent of an alternate or parallel universe and the inhabitants are mirror images of ourselves [which is about the point that I jokingly wondered why they didn't call the damn orb Htrea, Terre Deux or something just a little more original than Earth 2]. The young woman and the Widower engage in an affair and she wins a shuttle ticket to Earth 2 which she ends up giving to the Widower because it comes to light that once the two Earths became aware of each other the synchronicity of life events was broken. It's suggested that maybe his dead pregnant wife and child may be alive on the other Earth. He goes, she stays.
In the final scene she meets herself and is speechless. The imagery is beautiful and helps saves the film from being one of those uber pretentious art house indie films that thinks by leaving things mysterious and nebulous it is somehow thought-provoking. Also, Brit Marling is darling! There I said it. It's worth watching, just don't get pissy about the dearth of explanations and multiple cliff-hangers.
It's the ultimate form of self-indulgence but I'm still stumped... what would you say to another you??
Labels:
Another Earth,
Brit Marling,
film,
The Royal Tenebaums
Desert Places
It is just as likely that we choose pretty packaging to soften the bite of a sarcastic tongue…
They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.
- excerpt Robert Frost, Desert Places
Image via Dead Paper, Quote via Rebecca/Clothes Horse
They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.
- excerpt Robert Frost, Desert Places
Image via Dead Paper, Quote via Rebecca/Clothes Horse
Labels:
Dead Paper,
Quote,
Robert Frost
L.O.V.E
Distractions are beautiful tasty fodder.
Tropic of Cancer - L.O.V.E Feelings (Soft Cell cover)
So many tributaries flowing ferociously at once. How does one manufacture conscious channels quickly enough? A connection to that and a connection to this? You tell me how it's done! Awake and aware, to which channel should my attention be? Holding my head in my heads, furrowed brow, coy askance. There is Disposability. There is Curiosity. There is Bone. I've become a steam punk machine of hope it would seem.
image via j.l. schnabel
Labels:
Tropic of Cancer
We Have Thoughts
Twist the neck and stretch your limbs, it's not quite like yoga or S/M contortionism. Does that make swallowing the now any easier?
Everything has converged and screams Now Is The Moment. Now it must be and I'm so confused because my heart wants to go there but my fingers smell this salt Otherness. With a serpent ssssss.
I laugh because this is hilarious and by hilarious I mean absurd. We contort but we have nothing to offer anyone but hips and ribs.
Everything has converged and screams Now Is The Moment. Now it must be and I'm so confused because my heart wants to go there but my fingers smell this salt Otherness. With a serpent ssssss.
I laugh because this is hilarious and by hilarious I mean absurd. We contort but we have nothing to offer anyone but hips and ribs.
Labels:
Photography
Monday, October 1, 2012
A Fountain of Love But Who Shelters Under You?
A dark whale circles the coast seeking lazy seals... hungry...it will find prey. Nature isn't kind, it seeks, it is cruel. Are you going to just lay down and die? Or are you going to prowl the coastline and find that weak fatty seal and sink your teeth into its soft underbelly?? A whisper in the water, a slice of fin, without warning there is a heart beat thumping under the waves. Thump thump thump, is it seen? Is it heard? We poise, we strike, we sink, we deflect, we engage in bloody embrace....
We feed, we hunger, we need.... I am a tree that grows hearts....
[Bjork: Bachelorette]
This pounding pulse... drink it... feel it...
ClamsCasino/Illest Alive by blacksheepgirl
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