Saturday, July 30, 2016

Tethered in the Ether

There is a part of me that has always felt different, an outsider.  Even in my own skin.  As though I were tethered to the Earth, made from it even, but another part is always desperate to rejoin the Ether.   Perhaps that's why the ideas of transcendence and resurrection have always fascinated me.  Filled with uncompromising and haunting images of something resembling transformation or redemption.  A Belonging.  A wish to be a shapeshifter, born into a vessel less rigid and static.  One with the multiplicities of microcosms growing inside and on me.

Christina Bothwell's work comes very close to these inner desires.   Add to it, her entrancing manipulations of clay and glass.  Part beast, part earth, seeking companionship and union.  Maybe even liberation. 

 Dreamboat ended things last night, quite suddenly.  I'm still trying to piece together the exact coordinates of our demise.  When something feels so real and reciprocal and yet, for some reason, it ends.  Stung and aimless.  Though, perhaps not entirely surprised.  I could feel something on the horizon, not a severing but a subtle rending.  Second guessing one's intuition, it's a perpetual curse.

It all seems so illogical to me but then again, if the pieces don't fit together, there can only really be two reasons.  You're missing something crucial for comprehension or you don't like what the pieces add up to.  The brain is a snarling ego maniac and when it doesn't like something, it denies.  For right now, this is not real and I'm denying.  Avoiding all social interactions in the hopes the bruise will fade before anyone truly notices.  Tomorrow, I will try to put myself back together and do all sorts of healthy things.  Things my art therapist would be proud of, like cooking and yoga.  But for tonight, tonight I deny.

Cocteau Twins // Know Who You Are At Every Age // Four Calendar Cafe // 1993

I'm not real and I deny
I won't heal unless I cry
I can't grieve, so I won't grow
I won't heal 'til I let it go

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Fight The Sorrow

This internal landscape I'm so blessed to call my brain is not the easiest to cultivate.  Filled with splendid crevasses and precarious cracks, I spend a lot of my time congratulating myself (and others) on surviving its treacherous footing.  

Two steps forward, five steps back.  This is what I must repetitively remind myself is the pattern with all Scorpys.  Dreamboat is of this family and though we spent the weekend together, bathing in oceanic sunlight, ferociously honest conversations (his honest admissions haunt me) and all the romance that entails, this week we're back to another reality altogether.  I get it, mostly.  But my own cavernous brain and volcanic heart can play tricks on me.

Some time ago, I posted about Suede's new album, Night Thoughts.  It's taken me this long to listen to it in its entirety.  Long term fans of any band are, I've figured out, the absolute WORST critics.  We always forever compare and complain regardless of artistry, innovation or production.  I'm one of the worst of this ilk.  The first listen, I was a complete ass but by the third listen, I find my assessment to have been (as usual) hasty.

It's pretty comical to me that I've posted about these guys as much as I have.  Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here.  Suede, I think, is my husband.  We share a lifetime together.

I won't post a full synopsis of my thoughts just yet about Night Thoughts as I think it will take some time for this one to sink in.  There are some SERIOUSLY beautiful gems showcasing the wonder that is Brett's vocals and Bernard's stellar guitar arrangements and if you are a Suede fan or at least knowledgeable of their twisted and thwarted past, well, this album is beyond worth a listen.  Their duet magic pervades this album in ways that I just can't yet express.

Personally, I fight the sorrow all the time.  You readers of CTST are no stranger to this, so I'm sure you can well understand my lustful devouring of this track.

Suede // No Tomorrow // Night Thoughts // 2016

Fight the sorrow
Like there’s no tomorrow

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Dreamboat or Something Like It

Last night, Dreamboat and I made dinner together (tacos) and he schmoozzled me again by telling me that Hum was another of his favorite bands.  It was a fanfare movie moment because... well... it's a wallop in the face, if ever I've felt one because Downward is Heavenward is one of my favorite (private) albums, though it's doubtful we've ever covered them here at CTST.  I checked them off my bucket list when I saw them live at Fun Fun Fun Fest a few years back (for funsies here, here, here  and sort of here) and bounced my ass off, rejoicing in their live sound.

Their album, Downward is Heavenward changed my aural life, twenty years ago.  It's less then stellar, I get that.  I still think for my own feeling and green ears, I didn't understand reverb or distortion, and so the terribly heavy guitars, simplistic drums and elementary reverb made me HUM.  Yeah, I just did that.  There are some redeemable moments about them (listed below) it the nostalgia talking?

Moving on, we spent a few moments laughing and reveling in the fact that we seem to be the only Catherine Wheel and Hum loving inhabitants in this swampy place.  Hearts and hearts and hearts.

Funny that his nickname is already Dreamboat and that it had NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TRACK on the album.  Can we all laugh together??  (It was already chosen by a coworker of mine who always refers to him as my Dreamboat.  It works, because he is.)  Favorites below... lyrics bring me so much joy.

Hum // Dreamboat  // Downward is Heavenward // 1998

Hum // If You Are To Bloom // Downward is Heavenward // 1998

Hum // Green to Me  // Downward is Heavenward

Objectivity stopped half past tacos, memory and the terrible movie Dreamboat and I watched called, Shock Shock Shock  (incidentally, James Gandolfini's first film)Some things are left buried but it's nice to share the scurvy terrible skeletons with someone else. He's very cuddly.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Mermaid Skin

Summing up my last week: beautiful happy times with Dreamboat, swimming in a salt water pool (like the ocean without the flesh eating bacteria, soft mermaid skin), craft nights and so much new music my head is spinning.  So many updates to follow...just as soon as life slows down.

The Kills cover Fleetwood Mac's Dreams via Nowness... one of my favorite gems but then you knew that already, didn't you?

Oh and there was some sort of Independence thingy earlier this week.  Hard to celebrate with all the madness of late but I did think of you, dear void.

Galaxie 500 // Fourth of July // This is Our Music // 1990

Dreamboat really likes Salvador Dali so I was pleasantly surprised by the synchronicity of stumbling across Kazuhiro Tsuji's Portrait of Salvador Dali just in time to cheer up a sad Charlie on a blue day.  His sculptures really give me vertigo, in the most amusingly perplexing manner.  Be sure to check out Frida Kahlo; it took me several glances to realize those were arms wrapping lovingly around her throat!

Sunday, July 3, 2016

The Nude

I've had two dates with the one I mentioned earlier.  He's just beyond lovely.  BEYOND LOVELY.   So many good things to share but let's concentrate on his admission of a band that he absolutely adores.  He leaned in so earnest and questioning, that someone wouldn't know and said, "Catherine Wheel".  My jaw must have dropped five thousand feet.  He's lovely, handsome, gentle, passionate, insecure, reflective, cat loving, funny, irreverent, thoughtful. Annd he loves Catherine Wheel???  I'm in so much trouble, already.

Catherine Wheel // The Nude // Chrome // 1993


In the groin of Texas, the summer is ripe and swampy.  Cooling off with some dreamy tunes of late with an even dreamier lad.  I didn't think they made them like him anymore.

Cocteau Twins // Summerhead  // Four-Calendar Cafe // 1993
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