Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Grip

The grip reaches its fulfillment when it breathes a decisive exhalation full of interior hollowness; a space that was once occupied deep inside.  That space seeks an oblivion.. another area of belonging.

Let's practice... Inhale (think of the shit) and Exhale (Get rid of it).

You hear the song and you think, "Ohhhh... I've got this.  This is what needs to be said and I'm ok with saying it."  So you send The Letter; The Letter of Closure and before you can fully understand your words, you have typed your Truth, and what's more?  You've hit Send.

Embarrassment aside, you're right; it is Truth; and it needed to be said.

I thought about our massacre months ago and posted it.  Then I heard that song for the first time tonight since then.  How true... how true.  How needed.  Boom, letter sent.

I pictured a rainbow
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw the plan
I wandered out in the world for years
While you just stayed in your room
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon

You were there at the turnstiles
With the wind at your heels
You stretched for the stars
And you know how it feels
To reach too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon

I was grounded
While you filled the skies
I was dumbfounded by truths
You cut through lies
I saw the rain-dirty valley
You saw Brigadoon
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon

I spoke about wings
You just flew
I wondered, I guessed and I tried
You just knew
I sighed
But you swooned
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon

With a torch in your pocket
And the wind at your heels
You climbed on the ladder
And you know how it feels
To get too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon

Unicorns and cannonballs
Palaces and piers
Trumpets, towers, and tenements
Wide oceans full of tears
Flags, rags, ferry boats
Scimitars and scarves
Every precious dream and vision
Underneath the stars

Yes, you climbed on the ladder
With the wind in your sails
You came like a comet
Blazing your trail
Too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Dictating Reality

Weekend sounds.

Soko // My Dreams Dictate Reality // 2015

Moon Tides // As Loud As The Sun  // 2012

The Horrors // Oceans Burning - Skying // 2011

Friday, August 7, 2015

Silver Tipping

There are moments that grab you... just throw you into a place that isn't normal.   Silver Tipping was something we learned to do as we were poor and desperate for smokes in another country.   He taught me the language and I learned the need.  I was shocked to learn how agreeable previously smoked deposited cigarettes could be.   We were young, lost and greedy... hopeful for something but lost in the romance.

Song: Verse I (I forget verse 2)
Sleep today, find yourself tomorrow
Eat today, starve yourself tomorrow
When will you stop,
hiding in the doorway?

Waiting for the train to come
No longing to go home
The girl on the platform
Turns her head away

The clock is ticking
But time stands still
I'm left here swimming
In thoughts again

Left here swimming
In thoughts of you,
No chance of winning
Just an empty view 

Beautiful songs, beautiful memories.  I'm losing myself in the melodies and I've no idea why.   These are songs that were created sixteen years ago.  Acoustic lovelies, presented in honor of a love affair that was both intense, eye-opening, long lasting (in more ways than one) and of course, ill-fitting.

That's a lie.  I hum them to myself when no one is around even now.  I'm humming them often these days.  The melodies are actually so beautiful, it's a shame they were never recorded. 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Be The Gardener

Sometimes, it takes being a dentist.  PULL!!  Rotten teeth, seething in murk; extraction comes unwillingly.  But sometimes, it takes being a florist; selecting the best blossoms and discarding the rest.  The florist is so sad; slowly walking amongst the flowers and plants; gently revealing the tender leaves and blossoms.  Choosing the "best" blooms...

One way or the other you find your way and when you do... surprises unfold.  Such beautiful gardens, oases in a desert of mediocrity.  Lush foliage beckons... they're so far from your grasp.

What can you do?  Step softly...the garden is breathing.

You are not to blame for
Bittersweet distractors
Dare not speak its name
Dedicated to all human beings

Because we separate
Like ripples on a black shore

Take me with you
Dedicated to all human beings

Video by Clement Picon for Radiohead's animation contest

Saturday, August 1, 2015

You Can Have It All...

I realized something over the last few days.  The past is the past.  It's so simple, right?  It takes us time to embrace what it means for us to be... to BE, actually.

I'm pretty happy to accept this track and all its myriad memories with no attachments.

My 24th birthday, I was surrounded by a gypsy commune of folks, literally.  Surprise!  I walked into the room and this song was playing, lights out.  Everyone was gathered in a circle, I was in the center and they held candles with a raw vegan carrot cake (my favorite)  made by a woman who worshiped a crystal carried close to her breast.  A cherished oracle object she prayed over before bathing, before bed, before rising.   She was laughed at by some and loved by others; they all danced around me singing in unison to this glorious song.

(Just fy: I am most hateful of attention and birthdays in particular.   I would rather a thousand flies irritate my face and maggots infiltrate my skin than be inundated by a fucking mediocre/lame birthday. Genuine, personal and vulnerable is everything.  This night encompassed it all).

So beautiful and amazing on so many levels.  Afterwards, we blew bubbles as X performed at a now defunct warehouse and moshed our way to happiness and hung out with them afterwards (one of us made out with one of the band members; secrets remain).

It's become a talisman song for me, no doubt.  I gave it to others with the great love of an inside quiet gift.  They most surely didn't understand how much I fucking adore this song and all it means.  It doesn't mean love or devotion .... it means belonging and community.   It means pure love, openness, wildness and a heart that seeks Truth.  Now, I can release it.

Yo La Tengo // You Can Have It All - And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out // 2000

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