Fight The Sorrow

This internal landscape I'm so blessed to call my brain is not the easiest to cultivate.  Filled with splendid crevasses and precarious cracks, I spend a lot of my time congratulating myself (and others) on surviving its treacherous footing.  

Two steps forward, five steps back.  This is what I must repetitively remind myself is the pattern with all Scorpys.  Dreamboat is of this family and though we spent the weekend together, bathing in oceanic sunlight, ferociously honest conversations (his honest admissions haunt me) and all the romance that entails, this week we're back to another reality altogether.  I get it, mostly.  But my own cavernous brain and volcanic heart can play tricks on me.

Some time ago, I posted about Suede's new album, Night Thoughts.  It's taken me this long to listen to it in its entirety.  Long term fans of any band are, I've figured out, the absolute WORST critics.  We always forever compare and complain regardless of artistry, innovation or production.  I'm one of the worst of this ilk.  The first listen, I was a complete ass but by the third listen, I find my assessment to have been (as usual) hasty.

It's pretty comical to me that I've posted about these guys as much as I have.  Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here.  Suede, I think, is my husband.  We share a lifetime together.

I won't post a full synopsis of my thoughts just yet about Night Thoughts as I think it will take some time for this one to sink in.  There are some SERIOUSLY beautiful gems showcasing the wonder that is Brett's vocals and Bernard's stellar guitar arrangements and if you are a Suede fan or at least knowledgeable of their twisted and thwarted past, well, this album is beyond worth a listen.  Their duet magic pervades this album in ways that I just can't yet express.

Personally, I fight the sorrow all the time.  You readers of CTST are no stranger to this, so I'm sure you can well understand my lustful devouring of this track.



Suede // No Tomorrow // Night Thoughts // 2016

Fight the sorrow
Like there’s no tomorrow

A Case of the La-Las

I've been listening to a lot of Suede recently, especially Dog Man Star, Coming Up and Sci-fi Lullabies.  Coming Up is definitely the most La-La of all their discography and feels a bit like driving through a gasoline soaked acid lit city.  Despite their disagreements, I still think their lyrical creations are magic... Brett and Bernard, you're welcome at my tea party anytime.



Who would you choose? Oh, and Happy Saturday Night!

Trains, Trains, Trains

It's an elusive and attractive thing, the train metaphor.  I bend to you and to you and to you.  My inner self acquiesces.

Suede // Modern Boys // Sci-Fi Lullabies// 1997
Come unto me my sickly thing
We could lie on the rails
But to really win
We'll just drive away, drive away 



Soul Asylum // Runaway Train // Grave Dancers Union // 1992

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mysteries seem so faded



This person would turn anyone homicidal.   Did I mention I've nicknamed my boss Satan's Barbie? 



 

The Outsiders

 We're beautiful outsiders.  I'm over the moon that my most favorite lovely heart-stopping, throw myself on any stage or before any vehicle or sit in a room quietly absorbing the dull words of any historical muppet about the works of Butler and Anderson and how they came to be in the world and through the speakers of my most mundane life by being played on the actual... brace yourselves... the fucking R A D I O.



Suede // Outsiders // 2015

It's not real, right?  I'm fucking swooning;  never have actually heard a band I like, let alone LOVE on the fucking radio.  (obviously an exaggeration, but you understand) This is a goddamn joke.  I bow down to their guitar and vocals; like serpents around my throat,  Bernard and Brett wrap themselves around those delectable melodies.

My adoration is ridiculous: here, here, here, here, here , here, here
the rest is buried in my analog collection, Suede and Catherine Wheel are everything.

My dearest friend told me about her dream of The Sea last month.  She's the type that brings home finches the day I dream of them.   We are intertwined.  I've never shared this song with anyone but her until today; it's a dream I've had for the last twenty years.

Stark, protective, fierce, hiss.


Suede // By the Sea // Sci-fi Lullabies  // 1997

Expound the Sound

Current addictions:



Soft Kill's LP Heresy, will be released in October.



Tonight's the night, to live your life

Mood Rings // The Line - VPI Harmony // 2013



Everything about Gliss' latest album, Pale Reflections, inspires me.  Gossamer, metallic... dripping with all things GLISS.

I've got a beating heart...

Gliss // Heartbeat - Pale Reflections // June 2015

And some throwback favorites.



Maybe it's crashing down

Empire of the Sun // Half Mast- Walking on a Dream // 2008



We wash it away, this grey
This time is yours and mine
Hear the city sound, see the lonely crowds
This scene is you and me
In the lazy sun, we're the only ones

Suede // This Time  Sci-Fi Lullabies // 1997

Stalker Nostalgia

Let's all just admit once and for all that if given the opportunity to internet stalk, we will.  It's just how it is and I refuse to accept any flak on the subject.  You do it, I do it.  End of story.

So today, I was internet stalking the profile of my very first boyfriend.  The man I moved overseas for; the one that introduced me to drugs and rock'n roll. (Sex by that point was a foregone conclusion.) Yes, if you have ever wondered; these cliches are true.

Guess what?  He's got a new band and a song posted.  A rough demo, yes but I'm so glad to see he's still dedicated to his passion.  I remember countless hours listening to him strum his guitar and sing portions of unfinished songs and in fact, there are three never recorded tracks I find myself singing years later. I would drown to Suede's My Dark Star as he perniciously practiced Bernard Butler's beautifully haunted solo.  Pernicious because I thought I would murder him if I had to listen to the same five bars just one more time (aka the Joys of Living with a Musician).  Of course, now I love those same five bars with a reverence so holy, so deeply ingrained are they in my musical repertoire....this manic clutching devotion to Suede.

Nostalgia stains deeply, just like the tattoo I carry from that time, and I won't apologize for it. Didn't we just think we were grand Wild Ones as we poetically, tragically, romantically said goodbye in airports and train stations by singing to each other yet another Suede song, And on you my tattoo will be bleeding and the name will stain.

Coming of age is a state of being so personal and universal; its potency reverberates in us all.

Another No One

After a period of soul searching following several months of intense panic/anxiety attacks and a particularly insightful tarot card reading, I submitted my resignation today.  Just a couple of weeks and then no more legal mumbo jumbo, no more Babylon Tower.   No more Devil Bride, Devil Spawn, Pit Vipers or The Bitches of Eastwick.  No more irate clients calling me "Useless Bitch, Fucking Worthless" etc.  On to better and brighter things. 

Strange that such a melancholy sounding tune would complement this even stranger buoyantly weighted feeling of... well... blissful resignation.  But as you probably already know, Suede is and always will be home and a part of my center. 

She takes the blame, takes the pain but the world smiles...

So she packs her bags, smokes a fag and the world smiles

Because inside well she feels alright and turns to say:

"Yes it's the end, the final showdown

Yes it's the end of our small love

You'll have to find another no one to take the shit like I have

Well I guess this is the end, I guess this is the end"

*Nerdy footnote:  In times of indecision or confusion, the Zerner-Farber deck is insightful and kind, not cruel or pointed... kind of like having a fiercely independent eccentric great-aunt [who may even have been a bohemian flapper in the 1920s] giving you an objective overview of your life and encouraging you to grasp it with both hands.  

Alone But Not Loney

 

Two shades of the same color.  Sometimes we all need a little familiar with whom to bounce ideas back and forth.  I really adore it when a lyrical phrase dazzles in two different songs.

Suede - The 2 of Us

  

Heaven 17 - We Live So Fast

 

Lust on a Friday

If only I could wear this look in that video.