She Comes Alive When She's Dying

There's a special place in Dante's inferno reserved for the lesbians who thrive on the internet's misfeasance.  And in this circle, reserved for just a special few, are the rest of us who discover the woman they've been in some sort of undefined situationship with having ongoing flirtations with another.  It is in this circle you discover you are just a pawn in their fucked up broken toying seduction.  It really sucks.  Even more so when you discover there's a harem of back ups.  And you my dear are just a back up of a back up of a back up.  

The rawness of internet receipts must be steak tartare in the Devil's mouth. I hate that my prescience gives way to killer sleuth instincts.  I'd rather live in my delusional la vie en rose. 

It's not the time... what is time?  It's the emotional investment.  The effort.  The connection.  The highs brought so low. 

And the really funny part?  I wouldn't have even minded if she said "hey I think you're really [_____] but I'm interested in this other woman and I'd like to see where it goes".  Cool, thank you for the honesty. 

It's the suggestive duplicity, manipulation, bread crumbing, selfies, late night videos and flirtations that send me into Volcanic Defcon 1.  How she used me, my emotional labor, my words, my intelligence for months all to inspire her poems for this other woman.  You fucking used me as a muse, you shallow piece of shit. You lied and you fucked with my feelings.  You showed lack of integrity and respect for another human being.  I know this place; I've been here before. Where is my writer's credit???

Playing a game where you weren't given the rules and they have the playbook and cheat codes. I despise these games.  Never found them fun.  There are so many consensual games you can play with someone without causing emotional or psychological harm. 

At least these days my guillotine game is strong.  Revocation without explanation is a breath of fresh air. 

Some of them left no trace at all

Some left her black and blue

She come alive when she dying

She come alive when she on her last legs

She damned if she will

She damned if she won't

Some of them left in one piece 

And some she damn near broke

And I am no stranger to the strange and all his ways

What could be stranger than to be stuck outside your cage? 

The Kills - Damned If She Do

Mermaid Skin

Summing up my last week: beautiful happy times with Dreamboat, swimming in a salt water pool (like the ocean without the flesh eating bacteria, soft mermaid skin), craft nights and so much new music my head is spinning.  So many updates to follow...just as soon as life slows down.



The Kills cover Fleetwood Mac's Dreams via Nowness... one of my favorite gems but then you knew that already, didn't you?

Oh and there was some sort of Independence thingy earlier this week.  Hard to celebrate with all the madness of late but I did think of you, dear void.



Galaxie 500 // Fourth of July // This is Our Music // 1990

Dreamboat really likes Salvador Dali so I was pleasantly surprised by the synchronicity of stumbling across Kazuhiro Tsuji's Portrait of Salvador Dali just in time to cheer up a sad Charlie on a blue day.  His sculptures really give me vertigo, in the most amusingly perplexing manner.  Be sure to check out Frida Kahlo; it took me several glances to realize those were arms wrapping lovingly around her throat!

 

Odds And Ends

How can I rely on my heart if I break it with my own two hands? 

Dating Muscles

The Kills - Nail In My Coffin

The Kills - Damned If She Do

Dreading a sort of non-date date I agreed to go on tonight.  As a friend once told me, it's important keep your dating muscles in shape before you lose what little game you might still possess.  Pfft, that might be a foregone conclusion.  Wish me luck!

My Heart Beats Guilt

Rich men want to stay rich men.  Yesterday I visited a homeless shelter [mandatory] to show support to the Big Man's "substantial" donation.  I learned about the number of persons they serve, the number of people they are over capacity.  I saw these people that most of society ignores, these beautifully lost persons and my heart bleeds.

I felt such shame to be grouped with this group.  His donation was less than the fancy Maybach vehicle he purchased to ferry VIP clients around that he was chauffeured to the facility.   Just one of 25+ exotic vehicles he owns.  He did hold the door to the facility when we left, such a gentleman.  He said, "I just want to make sure everyone goes back to work."

MY HEART IS A BEATING DRUM.

 

The Kills - Heart Is A Beating Drum

More Blood, More Pressure

Finally, The Kills [ahem Ms. Mosshart] has come out of that Dead Weather hole [don't get me wrong loved the debut, but really hated most of their sophomoric effort] and I've been jonesing for some Hince guitar for months now.  But I'll have to bide my time a little longer, until April 5, Blood Pressures official release date.

Here's a little twenty-some-odd-second teaser.

Etam Lingerie 2011

Fashion meets rock as usual at Etam's most recent lingerie show.  The collection is really beautiful with the Marie Antoinette vibe, but I especially like the darker lace and neon themes.  Features performances by Beth Ditto, The Kills, Boy George [brace yourselves], Karen Elson [incidentally the song she performs, The Ghost Who Walks, is one of my favorites of 2010], Janelle Monae, Andrew Wyatt, Joey Starr, and all backed by Mark Ronson and The Business INTL.

Here's a 2 minute video of highlights, but you can watch the full 20 minute show here.