Tuesday, June 21, 2016

They Always Know

I asked out someone I've had a mild (yet growing) crush on for the last 6 months.   I couldn't stand my own sadness anymore.  Yes, it's true and he said yes.  We've been exchanging thoughts on all my favorite subjects; art, cats, food, films.  Music is next; he's a bassist in a band.  I'll ignore the fact, for now, that he's a musician because normally, I run screaming away from them.  He seems, so far, super centered.

And the black cloud begins to lift, so guess who messages me tonight?   LOST BOY.   Because that's how it goes.  Just when you're moving on, they try to find their way in.  He smooths the way with memories of my cats (sneaky, I love them.  We both do.) and compliments with the way I handle things when upset.  I'm "calm and kind even when in disagreement".  Only to eventually share that (just like my friend warned me was the reason for his outreach) he and his lady friend have ended things and the ending was less than diplomatic.  In fact, he said  it was pretty fiery and he said some "things that made him feel bad and ugly."

English Beat // I Confess // Special Beat Service // 1982

I was kind and sympathetic but I also, later, said my peace, finally.  Even when he asked me how I was doing.  No anger, no recriminations.   Just the things I wished we could have shared in person if he'd allowed it.  Just like this song begs, I hope I'm never cruel again.

Phantogram // Futuristic Casket // Eyelid Movies // 2009

I must have died a thousand times 

I saw your face in a past life
I'm ready to move on
in a futuristic casket 

and you're still alive

to work it out
I'll dig a hole
to crawl inside
and make my home

I'll never be cruel again

Incidentally enough, this is the album I listen to EVERY time an ending occurs.  All of these songs make a home in the nest of my wilderness.... regardless of the weird posh plastic method they have now.

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