Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Indecision Tributary

Today my boss spelled my name right for the first time, ever.  I bought a new candle and incense to make my home smell woodsy and warm because your home says a lot about you, apparently.  If we're telling the truth, I bought these smelloids to cover up the cigarette smoke that inevitably fogs my abode while I write these posts.  I've gone through four can openers and three wine openers this year.   Martha Stewart would hate me.

Do you believe in signs?  I can never decide definitively if it's the brain's way of comforting the psyche or the universe screaming, "Look you idiot!  I'm trying to tell you something but you're too blind to see it so here, let me make it really Sesame Street easy."  Bam!  Last night, my squirrely grandmother [who has Alzheimer's] and I had a surprisingly very rare cogent exchange.  Sometimes, our conversations repeat on a loop every two minutes but last night I had a glimpse of the woman who taught me so much.  Forty glorious minutes of my most favorite person in the entire world.  We always used to wax about the world, existence, relationships.  Unknowingly, she gave me the wisdom and words I've been needing to finally make a decision, if I were smart enough I would heed them.

If I believe in signs, this is a big one, along with the fortune cookie I opened but ironically cannot eat, "Follow your heart and you will be happy".  Snorts.  But what if your heart is a tributary?  How do you decide which channel to follow?   There are other signs as well.  Glaring-get-off-your-ass-we're-calling-you signs but when you're standing on the edge calling across the ocean to the other side and the other side ignores you, what do you do??   City shopping is hard, even harder than actual consumer shopping for this indecisive alumni, that is.  I've had my eye on a specific locale for a long, long while but recently I wonder if that would just be a recipe of heartache.  How to please a twin heart?  How to choose between a fantasy and pragmatics, the head and the heart?

Not to turn hokey-dokey over here, just a thought condiment in a random sandwich.  

The Faux Noise - We All Know That Someday We Will Die

The Faux Noise - Save Me

A big big thanks to The Faux Noise for making such catastrophically beautiful music.  Run, don't walk!  Also, please visit LGM, a brutally amazing source of music, and this one's source for TFN and so so so much more.

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