Friday, August 19, 2016

Anger is an Energy

Having spent the better part of my evening reading about U.S. prisoners in solitary confinement, some of whom have been so for 10, 20 even 40 plus years as well as watching a video of a Japanese culinary tradition of eating a still beating heart from an alive and eviscerated frog, I feel I can allow myself a wisp of narcissistic melodrama to swim with this pulsing rage that never seems to evaporate.

Last night, while drinking with coworkers, we touched upon the subject of my recent love trysts and the anger overcame me so violently and without warning I threw something across the bar's patio.  Just another day with my chaotic alter ego.  I wish I knew how most people seem to know and respect the boundaries of behavior and decorum.  It's not something that has ever really come easy for me and it's either a stone mountain or an eruptive volcano people get to experience.  There are some I know who never make those around them uncomfortable.  Blending effortlessly into a mellow and humorous vibe, they must be the most agreeable people to be around. 

It does a number on the psyche when one is dumped twice in a month's time.  Whether that damage is an effect or cause, who can say?  For now, staying away from the contact of others is probably my only protective measure.  Dignity and pride being scarce commodities, I must attempt to reserve what little stores I have left.  So, bachelorette living is back and it's an easy adjustment.  Chips for dinner and binging on films and new articles.  At least, when I'm ready to rejoin society, I will have something other than my own mental decrepitude to bring to the table.



Public Image Ltd // Rise // Album // 1986

Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy

Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy 



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