There's a special place in Dante's inferno reserved for the lesbians who thrive on the internet's misfeasance. And in this circle, reserved for just a special few, are the rest of us who discover the woman they've been in some sort of undefined situationship with having ongoing flirtations with another. It is in this circle you discover you are just a pawn in their fucked up broken toying seduction. It really sucks. Even more so when you discover there's a harem of back ups. And you my dear are just a back up of a back up of a back up.
The rawness of internet receipts must be steak tartare in the Devil's mouth. I hate that my prescience gives way to killer sleuth instincts. I'd rather live in my delusional la vie en rose.
It's not the time... what is time? It's the emotional investment. The effort. The connection. The highs brought so low.
And the really funny part? I wouldn't have even minded if she said "hey I think you're really [_____] but I'm interested in this other woman and I'd like to see where it goes". Cool, thank you for the honesty.
It's the suggestive duplicity, manipulation, bread crumbing, selfies, late night videos and flirtations that send me into Volcanic Defcon 1. How she used me, my emotional labor, my words, my intelligence for months all to inspire her poems for this other woman. You fucking used me as a muse, you shallow piece of shit. You lied and you fucked with my feelings. You showed lack of integrity and respect for another human being. I know this place; I've been here before. Where is my writer's credit???
Playing a game where you weren't given the rules and they have the playbook and cheat codes. I despise these games. Never found them fun. There are so many consensual games you can play with someone without causing emotional or psychological harm.
At least these days my guillotine game is strong. Revocation without explanation is a breath of fresh air.
