Hello lovelies! Are you enjoying your weekend? I am. It's gorgeous here, sunny and the temps are in the 70s but no humidity. Perfect. And what am I doing? Sitting inside debating on whether or not to take a disco nap.
Disco nap. A funny phrase and one that two of my friends had never heard of. So this got us to chatting, what does a disco nap look like? Some people take a bath or shower first and cuddle up with a book while others crash out listening to some mundane natural tv show on sharks or the mating habits of dung beetles. I personally like to have a little me time and sink into the white bliss of a/c noise and Mavis' furry puppy hugs. Then in 30 minutes [sometimes like 2 hours] some internal clock goes off and bouncing Gummi Bear style I mosey myself into the shower and Alakazam! ready for just about anything, cranky fuzzy brain banished to the dark woodsy recesses. You wake up reborn.
Knowing this though doesn't help the guilt on a day like this when I know I should be out there making the most of my Saturday. Does a nap even count as something worthwhile? Probably not but I'm nothing if not self-indulgent, I suppose the misguided might even say narcissistic but I prefer self-loving. Life is hard enough most days, so do something nice for you today. You will thank you.
And just in case you're looking for a little disco wake up music, this one fits the bill.
From behind the tree came a man
You think you know what love is boy?
I've been appropriately chastised, I think. In no uncertain terms I was told to post a/the song that is on my mind and not try to be so "oh I'm fine, no worries, things are A-Okay in my world.". Wow okay Anna and Sophie, jeez can you wait 24 hours??
So, having been finger wagged and tsked tsked all the way across the big blue Atlantic [what? you didn't enjoy the half naked photos?]
These are the songs that are on repeat. [they were an incredible gift, hard to not think of the person when I listen to them but they give me a slightly yummy naughty feeling]
Black Tambourine - Black Car
I want you, but you don't see me
I'll touch you, but it's in my dreams
My Bloody Valentine - Slow
It's just a slow slow suck
You make me smile, smile
Slowdive - Machine Gun
Peter Bjorn & John - The Chills
Your tongue is sharp
But I miss the taste of it
You say time heals, there's not enough of it
Hey bellas! Just wanted to let everyone know I've received my test results and I'm happy to report no cancer, no tumors and no blood borne diseases! This is fantastic news! Aside from the massive changes [for me] I will have to make and the many prescriptions I'll have to now pump into my, previously for the last ten years (minus the occasional antibiotic), pristine [I say pristine, meaning not using Western medicine, not the alcoholic/party sort of pristine] veins I'm sort of [emphasis on sort of] healthy. There are a lot of things I have to change and focus on and I'm not looking forward to it but you know what?? Hey, at least it's not a tumor, like we were all worried about! [I.E. Me because my lovely friends have kept me sane for the last month reassuring me that I wasn't going to die.]
Yay I'm still alive. I'm off to celebrate with a bit of vino and good humor and remind myself that even though Change is hard, as my dearest loveliest friend says, "you're just making sure you get to stick around for a long time so we can be old ladies together." I do love old people.
My Gold Mask is so amazing I don't know what else to say. The tracks Fingerprints and It's All Up In The Air are so gripping, they will leave you speechless. Trust me. Buy their album and cozy up into a sphere of sound.
Now hurry up and travel down to Texas babies. I need you.
The pop and indie rock of the summer and yesterdays is fading with the light of the fall and my ears are craving something more gritty and fuzzy. This is a perfect transition song and one I've been waiting to pull out of storage, like my favorite winter sweater.
Things have been so so busy for me lately, I've had almost no time to catch up on my blogs and music addiction. All to be corrected very very soon I assure you since I'm sequestering myself this week and weekend to do just that. Halloween be damned, time to go hunting and scratch this itch already. Wink.
Hello darlings! I made it back from my wild woman camping expedition last night and promptly passed out. It was a lot of fun and I will post some pictures and regale you with stories when things settle down a bit, but promise not to do in the boring Welcome To The Browns Screening Party Where We Will Snore You With The Family's Entire Summer Vacation Slide By Agonizing Slide kind of way.
In other news, this trifle makes coming back to work the grind so much more worthwhile. This morning I woke up to this de-light-ful little diddy. By way of explanation, The Magnetic Fields are one of my favorite bands and Stephin Merritt is the ultimate cuddly/prickly grumpy bear. If you didn't know there's a fantastic documentary made about him/Mag Fields and which is currently being screened around the country [and I think globe too] called Strange Powers, so named after this amazing/adorable/heartbreaking song. It's screening in a town about 3 hours from mine early next month, and yes I fully intend upon missing sleep and spending whatever I have to in order to get there and see it.
For those super fans of 69 Love Songs, you will well remember this one.
Reno Dakota there's not an iota of kindness in you
You know you enthrall me and yet you don't call me
It's making me blue, Pantone 292
Reno Dakota I'm reaching my quota of tears for the year
Alas and alack you just don't call me back You have just disappeared
It makes me drink beer
I know you're a recluse, You know that's no excuse. Reno, that's just a ruse
Do not play fast and loose with my heart
Reno Dakota I'm no Nino Rota I don't know the score
Have I annoyed you or is there a boy who Well he's just a whore
I've had him before
It makes me drink more
Turns out, there's an actual Reno Dakota, someone upon which Stephin Merritt had a giganta crush and who, even after repeated persistent attempts [including sending the above song and crediting the poor man in all 3 discs of 69 Love Songs], remained an unrequited love of sorts. In this clip from the documentary, we not only get to meet the real Reno Dakota, he sings a song/response in return.
I'm going real camping for the first time this weekend. By real I mean no condo close by with electricity and showers, no restaurants or food kiosks. Cooking on a wood fire pit and sleeping in the open. Daddy Long Legs and hippie neighbors. Nature is beautiful, but from over there not rummaging around in my cooler at night [skunks, raccoons, snakes, spiders].
The place is called Lost Maples, which sounds so fabulous I can't wait. So called because of the maple trees transplanted from their native Canadian soil [so I'm told] which means that right now they look like this! The pictures are so pretty it almost makes up for my skeptical anxiety. Almost.
Wish me luck on the roughing it. The last time I "camped" was ten years ago and I dove for a frisbee into a patch of poison ivy. Itchy stomach for days. Mavis won't be coming along and instead will staying with my friend's dogs for a puppypalooza. I'm really going to miss her floopy antics and furry face. Collective aww, but at the same time Mom is free to play! I'll try to snap some pictures. Have a lovely weekend kids!
It's one campy mix. Tee hee
The Legends - Play It For Today
Hot Chip - Look After Me
The Who - Tommy's Holiday Camp
Taken By Trees - My Boys [Animal Collective cover]
Young Empires - Glory of the Night
Vision of Trees - Cult of Cobras
The Cure - Caterpillar
The Veils - Sit Down By The Fire
Beach House - White Moon
The Legends - You Won
Modest Mouse - Out of Gas
Rocketeer- Flashlights
Camera Obscura - Forests and Sands
The Outfield - Your Love
Talking Heads - Take Me to The River
Rachael of Youth Sports sent me word this morning they've released a new track available on their bandcamp. I really love their brand of easy breezy pop. You can download it for free here. Thanks Rachael!
And you can say I don't know what I'm talking about
When I say I wish I knew you more
But there's just one thing I know that I can't live without
Just sometimes I wonder if you're keeping score
And who was that, on the night we met?
And who are you to assume I would forget?
As if to say, that in a way
You lost the war but you won the bet
You tell me that it hurts but I know it turns you on
It's only getting worse now that you've been gone
Now everything's the same and I can't stand the pain
I only want to see you happy again
I'm working on a pretty important mix, one to be published soon and I'm struggling to only pick one song by James to put on it. Did you know James is not prolific at all on the internet?? Including videos from even they're most popular album Laid.
This is tragic. The nerdy heart in me just can't stand that he is best known for his song by the same name. You all know that one. You don't? Here, let me help you....
James - Laid
Kind of an anthemic and exciting song, right? One that would get even the most stodgy person dancing and one that I used to worship until an ex of mine motioned to me silently that it was "meant for me" while dancing with his new lady. Since then, it's always been a bit of a meerh or mehggrh and scrowl kind of thing. If you can decipher the onomatopoeia then god speed. Moving on.
As I was saying I'm working on a pretty important mix [which isn't to say that it's so important it's going to solve the energy crisis or feed an entire continent, it's just the first time I've attempted this kind of a mix before]. I digress, so none oft he following will make it onto the mix but I love them too much not to share with you.
This one is heartbreaking and perfect for that indescribable moment. You know the one.
And just in case you don't:
I'm so alone tonight
My bed feels larger than when I was small
Lost in memories
Lost in all the sheets and old pillows
So alone tonight
Miss you more than I will let you know
Miss the outline of your back
Miss you breathing down my neck
When the human touch
Is what is need
Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul
And of course this next one because as some of you know it's a personal favorite. Do you know the story of why? I was so young, like 18 and my boyfriend at the time would lament that I was such a quiet bug. Can you imagine me as such? Hard to believe, I know.
He was always complaining that I wouldn't talk about my feelings or wouldn't offer an opinion about where we should go for dinner or if we should go see so and so's cruddy garage band. Worse he would have the audacity to ask me, "How are you feeling?" "What do you think about that?" "How much do you love me?" [At the time I hated questions like this because to be honest I just didn't know how to speak the answers.]
My internal response, AHHH. UHHH. Deer in headlights x ONE BILLION.
My more outwardly response though was a calm and polite,
" Um...Whatever you want."
followed by AWKWARD SHRUGS and WEIRD FACIAL TICKS.
So he would just start humming or singing...
Say something, say something, anything I've shown you everything
Little did I know it was the lyrics of James that my boyfriend serenaded in those intimate moments, when he desperately wanted me to be verbose when I couldn't. Fast forward a year later when I walked into a seemingly simple coworker's party turned naked fest.
"Say Something, say something"
"Isn't this the most beautiful song?" She said.
Uhhh... Can you imagine my shock? Nudity and my boyfriend didn't write that song for me?? Actually, in true me fashion, I completely betrayed my naivete and nerdiness by exclaiming, "How on earth did you get a recording of this?? I didn't even know he made one!" and then promptly enduring the weird stares and replies of, "At the record store. Duh."
There were too many naked Renaissance actors and gothic leather-corseted super intense BDSM strangers buzzing around for me to fully grasp the significance of the moment. I mean, I was surrounded by persons so infinitely "freer" than myself I thought who were willing to shout from the rooftops naked and SHARE their inner most thoughts and there I was paralyzed. What an experience and no I didn't shed my clothes that evening [grins] but it certainly was a gateway to other more interesting moments. What is the adage? We spend the first two years of our lives learning to speak and the rest of them learning to shut up? In my case it was more like twenty but you get the gist.
He was right though, you know? I do have a hard time vocalizing my thoughts [it really is true! I've worked very very hard in the last ten years to get chatty] and have been scolded and interrogated many times over the years about not sharing freely and accurately. To put oneself out there and say, "Hey! This is the truth. This is my heart and it matters" is really really difficult and even if it doesn't seem like it I've struggled with it my entire life.
Since then the song has acquired a much much deeper meaning for me. I've swallowed the lyrics and the melody deep into my core and glued its shadow to my most innermost parts. No longer about ignorance of self or awkwardly antisocial quirks, it has taken on a more sinister effect. The silence became a form of bondage and I realized this only recently, to squelch and silence your own voice is perhaps one of the deepest sins you can commit. To repress your thoughts with toxic liquids or self-effacing negative emotions [like criticism or judgment] in the hopes of achieving something as fleeting as acceptance or approval... well, I know what my most loved persons would say to me and it is at this point I offer up the same.
Tonight, I break a silence of sorts for my dearest friend, a person who knows me probably better than I know myself and continually encourages me to strive for something yet even to be visualized. To push and challenge oneself and say, "My Revenge Is Living Well". To walk outside the cave and embrace the wildest winds regardless of the clinging kelp.
I'm putting my most vulnerable heart out there in the best way I know how. This one is for you my darling.
Home has increasingly been on my mind the last few months and spending time there has become more and more important to me, which is strange because I used to love love love being in the mix of everything. For months now I've been pecking away at this concept of home [i.e. here and here and here etc], slipping slowly into this new way of being and thinking and mentally preparing myself not to run for the hills when my predictable restlessness returns, and it always returns, dervishly insistent.
It's a new thing, this learning to embrace and balance a more quiet, less frenetic life filled with conversations of a different sort and creating both a new life and home space without becoming a huge snore. Am I a crafter, tinkerer? A quilter, a chef? Well, I wouldn't go that far, but it's a start and like I mentioned over here and here and here change is imminent and I will be turning a new leaf all too soon. I hope you will all join me as I undoubtedly bumble and bump my way through awkward unchartered territories.
My absolute favorite song of home is Bjork - Anchor Song
[this is a particularly charming adaptation from Family Tree, pay close attention at around the 2:30 mark. Beautiful!!]
I live by the ocean
And during the night I dive into it
Underneath all currents
Down to the bottom
And drop my anchor
cuz this is where I'm staying
This is my home
Inspiration photo x 1 million! Look at this beautiful studio space [it's chic, casual which is very important to me, comfortable and French mais oui!]. It gives my dinky studio apartment a serious insecurity complex and a definite goal to work towards!
Camilla Staerk's Autumn 2010 collection was inspired by Helmut and June Newton's genius work Us and Them. The collection features lots of androgyny, sexy leather and inky black. Yum yum.
/1 Helmut Newton Rue Aubriot, Paris 1975/ 2cover of Newton's Pola Woman/ 3-4 Camille Staerk A/W RTW 2010
Tonight I made dinner with the a/c off and the windows of my apartment wide open to let the delicious soft autumn breeze in. We get so happy in my part of the world when the temperatures drop below 80F, it's definitely a cause for celebration.
Luxury of luxuries, I even took a delicious nap. Drifting in and out of cozy sleep I woke up with the loud thump thump trumpets and cacophonous vocals of this mashup beating back the greedy waves of haze inside my mind. Pardon the dreaminess and the repeat, but I can't get let this one go just yet.
Now it's almost time for friend chat on the porch with some schmancy vino. Heavenly indeed. xx
Beirut - Postcards From Italy [Florence and the Machine mashup]
The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
After my wicked experience in corporate uselessness earlier today, I've decided to play catch up on all the blogs I follow. Here is a collection of my favorite Post Secret postcards for the last month.
I do the same thing with people's showers.
My mother did the same thing to me with the cat food. I wonder if this is the reason.
This one has something like 32 plays in my Itunes, serious lust.
Definition of Corporate Redundancy: Spending two frantic hours compiling a 200 page report [187 to be exact] before the deadline only to have your boss skim it and put in the to-be-recycled bin. I'm sorry environment!
Sweet tea makes anything better. Happy Friday loves.
Someone posted an ad on Craigslist today and it was promptly removed. Thankfully the text was copied and it's had me rolling all afternoon.
Terrible band needed for sham of a wedding. 11/6. No pay (South Chicagoland)
As the musician in our family, my Shylock of a half-brother and his parsimonious fiance have passed off to me the job of finding a band for their wedding. I love the kid, but his unique brand of expectant coercion and astonishingly consistent lack of judgment have left me with no recourse but to literally give him what he wants, a band that can “tear up Skynyrd, and won’t cost nothin’”. Since they think music is spontaneously generated via voodoo magic by assemblies of self-promoting philanthropists, I am now on a quest to find the best working band in Chicago interested in “doing it for the exposure”.
If you are a serious musician that values your craft and earns a living from performance, you’re probably thinking “Fuck you. Do you ask your accountant to do your taxes for the exposure?”. You are not who I am looking for.
If however, you and your unemployable band of pothead hobbyists are enticed by the prospect of a free open bar stocked with the finest of suburban banquet hall well-liquor and an opportunity to run a train on the most whorish collection of self-entitled bridesmaids this side of a Sex In The City marathon, please contact me. There’s probably dinner in it for you too, if the starched vagina of a “wedding planner” (bride’s bff) can get her 3rd rung caterer to leave a few sandwiches in a storage closet for you at some point in the evening.
What I need from the band:
I don’t care if you are an original Icelandic thrash-raga act featuring steam calliope and backwards Armageddon poetry, but I need you to be able to train wreck your way through a few requests.
Don’t Stop Believing. You provide the high notes, we’ll provide the smell of wine and cheap perfume.
Free Bird. Go nuts with the solo. Really. If this evening was a never-ending cascade of sonic punishment hailing down on Tom at blaringly inconsiderate volumes, it would only serve as apropos karmic revenge for the afternoons I’ve spent listening to Jillian chatter about OHMYGODIDON’TCAREWHAT.
Macarena/Electric Slide/Chicken Dance. It doesn’t matter which one you play, but there has never been a classy party where one these songs has made an appearance. This will not be a classy party.
Do Not Play:
Jessie’s Girl. I used to play weddings, and if I have to hear this song one more time, I’m going to fucking cut someone.
They said they don’t have any preference’s for attire, so I’ll take that to mean you’re ok in a threadbare Megadeth shirt and black jeans.
I will provide the PA (the band and sound system are my wedding present to them).
This is not a joke. Please shoot me an email if this sounds like something you might be interested in.
The first time I heard this I listened to it a bajillion kazillion times [and probably cried as many tears]. It came to me synchronistically in the form of a mixed cd left in a car I inherited two years ago. It contained no song titles and for an entire year I treasured and coveted this mysterious hymn. Many thanks to Evie [super researcher] for finding the lyrics a whole year later on a lonely, obscure blog after I had long since given up the ghost of ever knowing.
This is absolutely, categorically, implicitly one of the most beautiful songs I have ever ever ever heard in my life and those who know me know I rarely say such things. Cuddle up kids, things are getting spooky around here.
Daniel Knox - Ghost Song
When I come back to life, I'll find you Push my thumbs into your eyes and blind you.
Also check out this funny video of him singing away in the bathtub with a KAZOO.
